


Iridescent

by chemistink



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Almost death fic, Destiel - Freeform, Fallen Cas sorta, Fluff, Grace Bond, M/M, Soul Bond, What Was I Thinking?, Wings, wingkink
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-20
Updated: 2014-07-12
Packaged: 2018-01-20 01:49:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 35,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1492279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chemistink/pseuds/chemistink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"To mark ones self permanently is to propose true unity with the other. To be joined together as one, in the eyes of the Lord." </p><p>The day Castiel pulled Dean from the pit was the day his Grace claimed Dean's soul as his. Humans can't carry Grace and Angels can't have souls. So what's an Angel of the Lord to do when he has fallen in love with a hunter who gave him a piece of his soul? Fall all over again.</p><p>Dean gets a tattoo of Castiel's handprint and it causes their Grace/Soul bond to ignite inside them. Only two options are available. Either break the bond, remove the Grace and let the soul inside Castiel die away, thus turning him into a full fledged Angel with no recollection of Dean and no favor over him. Or use the Grace to bind their souls together for eternity and let Castiel fall from Heaven and Grace to become a human, to live out his life as a Hunter among the Winchester boys.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Iridesecent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Well, I've been thinking. I know Cas healed it and all. But it was pretty cool.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “Definitely helped with the ladies.” He gave his brother a wink and attempted a nonchalant smirk but Sam saw right through the mask and read Dean at a deeper level. He missed Cas and this was his reminder that he had meant something. To someone. To the Angel that he loved. “Anyway, I was thinking. It would be a pretty sick tattoo.”

Iridescent By: ChemistInk

 

_I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition._

Dean rubbed a hand over his bare shoulder as he stared in the mirror. It had been... what, an eternity? No, more like a few weeks, months at the most, since the mark from Castiel had gone. A handprint that had proved the Heavenly Father had bigger and better plans for him.

He didn't miss it. It had just been something that he had become accustomed to seeing every day. That was all. There was nothing he hated more than the idea of anything emotional and the idea that he was romanticizing Castiel's mark on his soul.

Trying to shake off the thoughts, forcing his eyes to stop squinting in hopes that he could still see the outline of the fingers, Dean left the bathroom, wandering towards his room in the bunker. Too many thoughts about the mark were going through his mind and he stopped himself in front of Sam's room, not really sure what he was thinking as he pushed open the door.

His brother sat at a small table cluttered with books, hunched over a rather large one, thick pages covered in dust with each turn. Somehow, even with that unappealing aspect, they were none the less fascinating to Sam. The sound of his bedroom door opening caused him to startle out of whatever reverie he had been stuck in.

“Wha... Oh, Dean. Hey. What do you need?” Sam asked as he settled back into his chair once he realized it was only his brother, not a threat and definitely not someone he had to worry about judging him.

Dean's hand went to the back of his neck out of habit as he shifted on his feet uncomfortably. The question was stuck in his throat now, sounding ridiculous to even himself, so how could he possibly ask Sammy to understand, let alone help him?

“Hey Sammy.” Dean swallowed hard. He could do this. This was not a chick flick moment. This was not weird. It was just something he wanted to do. “Do you um...” No, he had to do this. For the sake of his pride, if nothing else. “You remember the handprint Cas had left on my arm?”

Sam's face scrunched up in confusion. “Yeah...?” The unasked question hung in the air. _Why?_

“Well, I've been thinking. I know Cas healed it and all. But it was pretty cool.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “Definitely helped with the ladies.” He gave his brother a wink and attempted a nonchalant smirk but Sam saw right through the mask and read Dean at a deeper level. He missed Cas and this was his reminder that he had meant something. To someone. To the Angel that he loved. “Anyway, I was thinking. It would be a pretty sick tattoo.”

A sigh. How could Dean so easily deny everything he felt? But he knew how much this would mean to him and Sam couldn't let himself get in the way of that. “And you're coming to me and telling me this, why?”

“Well, I can't exactly remember the detail of it. And I really can't just draw the outline on myself, now can I? So it would really help if you could Sasquatch your way to a marker and help me out here.” He was only partially lying. He couldn't draw the outline on himself. But he remembered every detail of that hand. The way it would sometimes warm his body if he thought of Cas when he couldn't sleep. How he could sometimes feel Cas through it, even if he was positive that he was imagining that. And how he felt almost... empty without it.

It was so simple. Sam took a pen and slowly traced the outline of a hand on Dean's arm, slow so he could get every bit as perfect as he could. He knew that anything short of exactly the way Cas' hand when he had saved Dean from the pit would not be enough for his brother. And with that, they were gone to another hunter that had helped get their anti possession tattoos. Sure, it was an odd request for the ink but it didn't matter. But when it came down to what the color would be, Dean was drawn to asking for blue, so deep in color it was almost black and looked like puddles of ink on Dean's skin when it was finally done. His body hummed at the sight of it, almost like it felt whole again.

As they returned to the bunker, Dean gently applying a small amount of ointment to the raised skin of his shoulder, they noticed the figure waiting for them. Castiel. Dean couldn't deny that he was glad to see him, it was written all over his face, etched into his eyes, smile shining with genuine happiness. He climbed out of the car, pulling his sleeve down gingerly as he approached the Angel.

“Cas! Good to see you, buddy!” He called out, covering the distance between them with long strides. The way Cas' blue eyes widened went unnoticed by Dean as the hunter enveloped the Angel in a hug. With a light laugh and a gentle squeeze to shoulder blades in hopes to feel a pair of wings, Dean released him. “What brings you around these parts?”

Cas still had his deer-in-the-headlights look, eyes staring at the sleeve that barely hid the tattoo. The look turned up towards Dean's face, a fire behind something that the hunter couldn't quite identify in his mesmerizingly blue eyes, teeth bared and a snarl escaping his lips. “What have you done, Dean?”

The sound took Dean by surprise and he was struck speechless for a moment, unable to process that Castiel had just growled at him. There was no snappy comeback, no cocky remark, not even his signature grin to play off the whole situation. He was genuinely stunned into silence by Cas turning aggressive towards him this way.

The Angel grabbed Dean's arm, despite loud, pained protests, almost tearing the shirt as he ripped the sleeve up to expose the ink. Even though it was glossy and still new, the ink somehow seemed to glow against the skin, holding an unearthly quality to it. The brothers had just brushed it off as light playing with the lotion. But Castiel stared hard at it, he knew exactly what was causing it to look like it was. Giving it a rather heavenly look. Grace. His Grace.

“Do you have any idea what you have done?” Cas roared at Dean. For an Angel of the Lord, the tone he had was far from calm. The words held fear and panic, his eyes wild. It was heartbreaking to watch for Sam, unable to stop it. And the way Cas brought his fingers up to touch at the design made even Sam flinch when he lightly brushed across the ink.

For a moment, Sam swore on everything he had ever known, the tattoo had sparked at the touch.

“Dean... I can not... I have never...” He looked from Dean's face, almost broken to the point of tears, to where he could not stop looking longingly and so lovingly at the inked outline of his handprint. “I would never had thought that you... Oh Dean...” He reached up, wiping a stray tear that had managed to escape, overrun by emotion suddenly. “I have to go.”

What happened next was almost as unreal that neither brother was even sure it had really happened. Cas brought a hand to Dean's cheek and smiled softly at him, looking as human as he had ever been. “I will do this right. For you.” And he pressed a kiss a chaste, gentle kiss to the lips of the man he had saved from the pit of Hell.

 

Sam stared at the way Dean kept touching fingers to his lips. He hadn't spoken since Cas had disappeared what seemed like days but was only a few hours. He barely made it into the bunker, having to be led to the closest chair they could find. And there he still sat, body lax and fingers at his lips while his mind wandered somewhere else completely.

He had been watching those two for years. He had seen the looks, knew the way they always seemed to speak volumes between them with just glances, shared smiles, even just the raise of an eyebrow. But with all the hope he had harbored for them over time, he had never imagined in his wildest dreams that he would ever see it manifest into anything tangible.

“What do you think he meant?”

Dean's voice actually startled the hell out of Sam. He jumped a bit, almost tempted to look around to see if anyone else was there with them. It had been closer to six hours since he had heard his brother speak and barely realized that time had even passed with both of their minds lost in thought.

“I don't honestly know, Dean. But is that really what you're going to choose to dwell on here? After everything that's happened?”

Dean finally shook himself back to reality and sat up to look at Sam with a scowl. He knew what he was asking and he did not want to talk about it. Hell, he was almost refusing to even believe that it had happened. Let alone admit it out loud to his over sensitive brother. No, it was a dream. He had to have imagined it. Had to. There was no way it could have happened.

“I don't understand what he was so upset about.” Dean's brow furrowed and he frowned at the thought of Cas' words to him. Do you have any idea what you have done? This is Dean Winchester. Did he ever really know what the hell he was doing? He smirked and snorted to himself. Of course not, that would be easy and convenient and when had he ever been that? But the small smile fell from his lips as he really let himself think about it. With Cas gone at the moment, his body felt cold, his whole being feeling off, like he was suddenly empty. And he hated the way that felt.

“You think we could ask someone else? Who else would know about something like this?” Sam asked as he watched Dean's arm out of the corner of his eyes. Damned if the thing wasn't moving, rippling, almost... reacting with the way Dean was talking and to the emotions he saw cross his brothers face.

“What about going straight to the source? Call him back here, see if he'll just tell you what it all means. He always comes when you call.” Sam offered as he tried to keep his eyes on Dean's, severely distracted. His eyes narrowed as he watched the ink shimmer now, glowing at the mention of Cas' devotion to Dean. “Man, what the hell is with that thing?!” Sam finally exclaimed, a little spooked with what was going on with his brother's tattoo.

Dean looked at Sam's eyes and tried to follow them to where his focus was. He looked around him, behind him, a little lost for words at the source of the surprise. What the hell was he even talking about? He turned back to Sam and gave him a frown. “What thing?”

“The tattoo, Dean. It's moving.”

Dean gave him a look, a little stunned. With that, Sam was dragging him by the wrist towards a bathroom, Dean struggling to get his shirt off before just tossing it haphazardly down the hall as he rounded the corner and stood in front of a mirror. There it was, the ink rippling like a rock skipping across water, small waves crashing at the outline before calming down.

“What the hell!”

“I think that you would be more surprised to find that it is quite the opposite.”

They turned to look at Cas, Sam with a look of shock and Dean with a look of... what was rumbling in his stomach, feeling like butterflies swarming around and warmth flowing through his veins at the sound of the Angel's voice. Not necessarily desire but something deeper, stronger. Affection, adoration, love. And it floored the older Winchester, stealing his breath away.

“What does that even mean?” Sam asked exasperatedly, turning to look at Dean a little weird, giving him a look with a raised brow as if to ask 'What, can't talk to your own boyfriend now?'

Castiel's eyes didn't leave the mark on Dean's arm, save for a longing glance at the exposed skin of his chest. The way his eyes darkened at the sight and his breath hitched was not lost on either of the brothers. Castiel, Angel of the Lord, was experiencing human desire and it was targeted at Dean.

Sam felt like he had known all along and he had been right this whole time. Dean felt like his cheeks were on fire with the blush that tinged them pink, the shade covering his face and dusted even up to the tops of his ears. Castiel felt like if he had to take his eyes off Dean's bare chest, he might just die.

“From the way the ink has reacted to my Grace that is bestowed upon Dean's soul. I assume you had a hunter do this work with blessed tools.”

There were a few nods, a side glance from Sam to Dean, a nervous tick as Sam started to wonder if maybe he should have known about either one of those things. Castiel's face slowly transformed from enthralled by the beauty of the ink to a solemn look at Sam's face.

“I need Dean to come with me. There is little time. The process from here is delicate and I want to make absolutely sure that every step of the procedure is followed. This has never happened before.”

“What procedure? What the hell is going on here?” But Sam's voice was being drowned out by a voice in Dean's head as his eyes looked up at Castiel's.

_I promise that I will be with you, forever._

_And I, you._

Where the hell did that even come from? Dean's face showed how startled he was at the admission but he knew that no one else had heard him.

“Dean…” Sam started, eyes wide as he stared at the ink now radiating light from nowhere. It was glowing an ethereal color, brightening as Cas took a step into the room. 

“That would be our bond.” Cas whispered, voice cracking with emotions they had never heard before from the Angel. “His soul, my Grace. We are bound together as one.”

The words caused the bond to wash over Dean. It forced him to face facts, he could now feel everything that Cas felt, thought, wanted. He could hear whispers of affection for him, words he had longed hoped to hear and continually refused to admit he needed to have said to him now being projected into his mind and coursing through his veins. 

“Wait, we’re what?!” Dean shouted, trying to drown out the way Cas was giving every bit of affection he had ever wanted and more. He tried to drown out the way his soul was giving in, allowing Castiel in and responding with as much vigor as he was receiving, trying to match the Angel’s love in earnest. 

Cas gave Dean a sad look, confusion written all over his face as he tried to understand why the bond was so open, love pouring in and it was mutual. But there were Dean’s hands on his chest, pushing him away with a look that had fear written all over and gave him every indication that he did not want any of this. 

There was something so incredibly heart breaking about the link between them, their eyes conveying more emotion than Sam had ever seen on their faces in the years that he had known them. He couldn’t take it much longer, unable to see them them this way. He grabbed Castiel by the shoulder, dragging him towards an empty room with chairs. He pushed his friend towards one, motioning him to sit down as he watched his brother absent mindedly wander in, following them like a lost puppy. He helped Dean sit in the chair directly in front of Cas and their eyes met, never blinking and never breaking contact. 

“Okay. So!” He clapped his hands together as he leaned against a table. “Someone here is going to start explaining what is going on. And I think that someone is going to be you, Cas. What does it mean for you two to be bound together?” He crossed his arms as he looked at the Angel sternly, obviously waiting for an answer. 

“You’re still the brightest.” Castiel whispered before he sighed and broke eye contact with Dean, still trying to give him comfort through their bond. He looked at Sam with curiosity and sadness swimming in the deep blue pools that struggled not to turn back to Dean. “When I found him in Hell, my Grace…” He struggled for a moment to find the proper words for how his Grace had reached for Dean, craving his pure soul. “My Grace wrapped around his soul. It fused with him.” He turned his head to peer at the tattoo that almost looked like it was rippling at the attention Cas had turned on it. 

Castiel smiled at the tattoo, nodding towards it to get Sam’s attention. “That was my Grace marking his soul. Angels… don’t have souls. We brush Grace to create bonds. We leave small infusions of Grace on one another.” A hand came up to rub over his face. “I had hoped to remove that from Dean when I had healed him of my mark upon his flesh. Apparently, it was only a physical mark and we are still profoundly bonded together in the eyes of the Heavenly Host.” 

“O...okay.” Sam looked like he was trying to calculate everything together. “What does that have to do with Dean’s tattoo though? It’s just ink.” He glanced back at the tattoo, noticing the way it almost bounced on the skin. Everything was so intriguing and he needed to know more. 

Castiel didn’t respond at first. His eyes were drawn to the waves crashing along Dean’s skin, feeling himself flex the ethereal wings that he had so wished he could manifest for his hunter. He had to visibly shake his head to turn his attention back to Sam. There was little time and so many things that had to be explained.

“The mark had been my Grace’s claim on Dean’s soul. I was right in assuming that you had a fellow hunter do the work, correct?” A nod and a sigh. “Well, as you should well know, most hunters will bless their guns, bless their ink. Something about it helping to protect better with anti possession tattoos. Bless the ink, tattoo a hunter with Grace in his soul, you turn that ink into a very literal mark of Grace. As long as we are bound, it is capable of everything our bond is. He touches it, I will come. I will know what he is thinking, what he feels, every detail, with a touch. To mark ones self permanently is to propose true unity with the other. To be joined together as one, in the eyes of the Lord.” 

Sam nodded along, itching under his skin to take notes but, really, he thought to himself, when the hell would they ever see another Angel truly fall in love with a human the way Castiel and Dean were lost in each other. 

“Right. Then… Now what? What can we do? How do we fix it? How do we…” He trailed off. How do they what? Stop it? Sam looked at Dean who hadn’t moved a muscle, hadn’t even blinked let alone spoken since they sat down, hadn’t taken his wide eyes off Castiel’s face the entire time. Sam was almost sure he hadn’t even blinked. His brother’s lips were parted and he was breathing rather unevenly, almost as if he couldn’t figure out how to do so normally.

Sam had spent his entire life watching Dean, learning everything about him. He knew every expression, could see the pain behind smiles, the hollow sadness in his eyes, the fear underneath it all. He knew what was behind the stoic facade, knew the lines in Dean’s furrowed brow went deeper than they looked, sitting on his mind for far too long after whatever had happened. He looked at him now, wide eyes and a face that screamed of being uncomfortable and how he absolutely despised being in the situation. But his eyes… Oh those greens eyes gave it all away for Sam. They were brighter, glowing, shining. His pupils were dilated, drinking in the sight of the Angel in front of him. Like he would die if he had to look away. Like he would never see him again and he had to memorize every detail he could so he would never forget. 

He knew, by that look, that they could not break this bond. For the sake of Dean, the man who gave everything he had ever had and anything that was offered to him for the sake of everyone else around him. His brother sacrificed so much for Sam when he was younger and continued to do so. He would throw away whatever he truly needed for himself if it meant saving someone else. And here was exactly what he wanted, Castiel and his undying love, and if he had anything to do with it, Sam would not let that be taken from him this time. 

Castiel had to blink a few times. He could feel Dean through their bond, knew how deep it was, smiled to himself as he felt the sensational way they were exploring emotions and each other. If the hunter felt something, it surged through the bond to Castiel, as if Dean was a young child who found something he liked and wanted so badly to share it with the Angel. And it echoed under Castiel’s skin, vibrating through his vessel. He had never truly understood the purpose of human emotion and had usually brushed them off when he could. But as wave after wave of love from Dean flooded him, given so freely by the man he was sharing this sweet connection with, he vowed as long as he existed now, he would never give it up again.

The silence had been tense as Sam's eyes flicked from Dean's face to the way Cas was staring at his hands in his lap. The tension was so palpable that he felt like he could slice a square out of thin air. It almost startled him when he cleared his throat, trying to break the haunting sound of nothing. "Alright. How do we go from here?" 

Castiel frowned at the question and steeled himself against the bond, pulling away from Dean's emotions to collect himself enough to answer. 

"We don't. There are only two options available to us. Either we continue through this process to become bondmates or..." He paused, a surge of overwhelming desire for it, wanting, needing, craving, almost so desperate for them to be mates that he wanted to beg Dean for it, washed through him and he couldn't contain the soft moan of Dean's name at how the hunter seemed to agree with those desires. Dean wanted it, or so the bond told him and Castiel would give everything in creation to give it to him. 

"Or...?" Sam urged, trying to figure out what was going on with Cas and his brother. He didn't even try to hide the blush. 

Castiel shook his head roughly, trying to gain composure now. His gravely voice was now husky, obviously affected greatly by the bond. "Or we break the bond. My Grace will cease to exist on Dean's soul, the mark will fade heavily and there will be no trace of what had happened. No possibility to recreate or turn back." He swallowed the lump in his throat, the situation sounding incredibly dire. 

To break the bond would be to leave them both empty of this amazing sensation of having each other. Void of the love and devotion they were showing each other. Castiel knew he could never love another being if he was to break this bond with Dean. It would destroy him from the inside out to have that shining soul ripped away from his Grace. His eyes clenched shut at the very thought. It would kill him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first Supernatural fic. I have been a part of multiple fandoms in my time and it's been a few years since I last wrote anything solid so forgive me if it turned out to be absolutely terrible. But there is much more to come, a lot of weird angst and drama, some fluff, some kissing and some major exploration happening sooner or later. But hopefully the big ending that started this whole time will be worth the time and the read.


	2. Wonderland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had given Castiel a piece of his soul. Which didn’t make any sense at all. Hadn’t Cas said something before about how Angels couldn’t have souls, something about how the Grace would consume it? Or was that Sam? Either way, Castiel had a soul and because of it, he now had a piece of Grace in him. And that made even less sense because he remembered all the bad things that Grace could do to humans, but here he was. Better than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully I'll be able to keep up a weekly posting schedule. I seem to be knocking the hell out of writing chapters but when it comes to typing them up and fluffing them out... not so fun.

**Wonderland**

 

Dean was vaguely aware of the conversation between Sam and Castiel, choosing to listen to the deep rumble of the Angel's voice rather than his words. He found solace in the way the bass thrummed through his body as he slipped into a subconscious trance. And with a deep breath, he was falling down a rabbit hole, landing in ink black water. He had somehow wound up in a proverbial sea of emotions. A thought of a Disney film flitted through his head and he shook it off, cursing Sam under his breath. It would be his brother’s fault that he would be imagining some Alice in Wonderland type stuff, not that Dean would ever admit it out loud to Sam.

 

He felt lost. His vision had grown blurry, suddenly becoming flooded with every emotion he had ever known and ever felt, his subconscious mind causing him to slip into ink black water, a literal sea of emotions that were now so very real to him. He fought to remember how to swim, struggling against the currents, unable to anchor himself to any single emotion to get his head settled. He could feel Castiel everywhere around him, in his veins, his mind, his soul. It was all so overwhelming, he almost found himself going under a few waves that crashed into him.

 

Words were being whispered to him, so close and yet far enough that it was just out of his reach. Every whisper was an attempt to convey how important it was for him to stay calm, to react to the waters around him naturally, to let himself go and trust. It was then, he realized, that what was swirling around him was actual, very literal emotions manifested into a bottomless sea.  

 

Fear and dread crashed into him, a rolling tide almost forcing him into the undertow to drown there. This liquid manifestation was far more violent than Dean had ever thought his emotions to be, though, as he struggled to stay afloat and gasped for air, he considered all the anger he had pent up inside of him, the times he destroyed things to try and feel better. It did make quite a bit of sense when he really let himself consider what he kept bottled inside himself because it wasn’t manly to discuss feelings out loud.

 

For a moment, he swore he could hear his voice being shouted from a far off direction. Something about the sound radiated warmth and comfort through him as the waves began to die down around him, obviously taking notice in the inner calm he was feeling. He strained his ears and listened, finally catching a whiff of the direction and swimming hard, determined to find that voice, the one that caused him to find peace in himself.

 

_Cas._

 

He felt like he had been swimming forever. His arms ached, his legs were starting to feel like they wouldn’t move anymore, only his need of Cas drove him to continue on. Here, in the subconscious mind, he was free from the restrictions he had placed on himself, of chick flick moments and the ridiculous need to uphold a macho facade, allowing him to really feel. And he gave into the way Cas saying his name made him ache for the Angel. His love for him, the desire to hold him in his arms, fix him, protect him from every evil thing in the world. It gave him that big of strength as he finally saw the sand dune in the middle of endless black sea, digging into the wet sand as he crawled onto the small shore.

 

Castiel held out a hand to Dean, helping him climb out of the water, which Dean still wondered if he could even call it that seeing as it was only just a manifestation of their combined emotions in a liquid form and where the hell did he even know that from?

 

Cas’s hands were on his face, cupping his cheeks as he tried to turn Dean’s head towards him, inspecting him for injuries first, before turning the hunter to face him. His lips were forming his name, Dean could tell, but his eyes narrowed at how they moved and the ‘water’ lapped around their feet, warm and soothing. It felt as if the water was touching them to share the love that filled the space between their bodies.

 

There was a soft smile on the Angel’s lips as Dean’s green eyes finally came into focus, staring into stark blue eyes, pupils blown wide enough to swallow them whole. “Hey.” And his voice was Dean’s undoing.

 

“ _Cas_.” It was breathless, aching with love, want, desire, need, devotion, years of pent up affection that a single word would have never been able to relay the sentiments if it was anyone but them.

 

“I. I um…” Dean gave a soft breath of a laugh and, instead of putting his hand on the back of his head out of nervous awkwardness, he placed his fingers along the nape of Castiel’s neck, gently teasing the wisps of hair there. “I don’t know where we are.”

 

“This, Dean, is our bond.” Cas took a deep breath, eyes closing as he felt the shift of the air around them. “This is my Grace and your soul interacting with one another to allow us access to each other.”

 

Dean’s eyes closed as well, not out of habit, but because he was able to actually feel Cas speaking, feel the press of the words, every letter stamping into the very being of his soul. If this was their bond, then the way he was speaking, Dean was being enveloped by Castiel, Angel of the Lord, wholly and truly.

 

“Mmm…” He hummed quietly, a noise of utter satisfaction. He could get used to this feeling of being so in tune with Cas and himself. If he concentrated enough, he could have sworn he could hear Castiel’s voice. And Sam’s. His brow furrowed and he frowned, opening his eyes to look at Cas. “How is it that I can still hear you talking to Sam? How is that even possible?”

 

Cas gave a gentle laugh, the smile on his face spreading into his eyes and soothing Dean in a way that should not be possible, and definitely wasn’t fair, giving him a semblance of being purely human while he was here with Dean. “You have no idea just how special you really are.” His hand rested on a stubbled cheek, thumb caressing the skin as they reveled in each other’s eyes for a moment. “This is all inside of you. In the most impossible of ways, you are able to contain the piece of my Grace within your body and with that, you can speak to the piece of your soul that you have imparted on me. I,” He took the smallest of steps back to allow Dean to see more of him. “Am the piece of soul you have given to Castiel.”

 

A million and one questions got caught in Dean’s throat as he stared. He could barely wrap his head around the fact that they were standing in his subconscious mind, apparently hung up on the fact that he had somehow conjured up an Alice in Wonderland-esque sea of emotions. But this, this was a new level of what in the hell. He had just been told something that he couldn’t even begin to possible imagine. His soul, the one he was almost positive didn’t exist growing up by the way he treated people, had reached out to Cas and, had been touched with Grace. And with that, he had given a piece of his soul to an Angel.

 

Yeah, that made sense.

 

“Okay so wait. What, how, but you said, and my tattoo?” Dean couldn’t even seem to put more than two words together before another question started to form on his lips, head spinning. None of what was happening was getting through to him and he was starting to get disgruntled with himself and everything around him. It didn’t stop Cas from smiling and pressing a gentle touch of his fingertip to the outline of the ink on Dean’s arm.

 

“What does this-” Dean held out his arms, gesturing wildly around them, “Any of this, have to do with the tattoo?” He looked down at his arm, seeing Castiel’s finger and trying to ignore the swell of unbridled pride that the Angel was touching him. The ink looked dry, sunk in, like a real tattoo. Which only seemed to make his bristle more, a thought of how he was marked by Castiel, inside and out.

 

“The way that this bond was formed was through my Grace wrapping around your soul and gripping you tightly in the pit. I held onto you.” Cas tried to make a point, sliding his hand up to press into mark on Dean’s skin, his fingers fitting perfectly against the ink. “When I left this mark on you, I had claimed you.” His words faltered a bit. “I claimed you as my…”

 

The way that Cas was biting his lip, looking at the way his hand was holding onto Dean’s shoulder, made a shiver go through him. Claimed. He had been claimed by an Angel. That brought the next question as he started to frown. “Claimed me as your… what?”

 

“Mate.” Oh. “Soul mate, Grace mate.” Castiel threw his hands up in an attempt to help make sense of it. “Life mate.” The smile on his lips was small with a hint of sadness and full of hope. “When I saw your soul, it was so bright and pure. I knew you were who I was meant to save. Who I would want for eternity. I did not, however, anticipate falling in love with a Winchester.”

 

Dean laughed hard at the statement. How could he not? An Angel of the Lord falling for a human soul based on purity and it ended up being Dean Winchester. What luck for Castiel.

 

He could feel himself moving, swaying on his feet as he looked to Cas for understanding. They were still standing close together but he had felt his body move in a way that made him unbalanced. He looked behind him, considering to himself that perhaps he was imagining things and turned back, finding that now the Angel had disappeared from the dune. Panic rose like bile in his throat as he shuffled in circles. He was starting to get dizzy when he felt a steady hand on his shoulder, turning his head to see that Castiel was still there.

 

“Where… What just happened? Where did you go?” Dean winced at the way his voice sounded, fear causing it to raise a few octaves. He had no idea what was causing him to let go of his inhibitions inside the bond but he felt so comfortable with Cas beside him.

 

“Sam seems to be very insistent on discovering all there is to know about this situation that we are in as well as more details about our bond. I am afraid that there is a limited amount of information that I have found and will not be capable of answering all of the questions he seems to have for me.” He gently trailed a finger across the curve of Dean’s jaw, marveling in the curves before he continued. “This type of bond we have is rare and unique in the way that it has never happened before and, as far as creation goes, should not be possible.”

 

There was a light flush on Dean’s cheeks as he just stared into matching pools of blue, mesmerized by the color and by the way he felt lost in them. He tried to turn imperceptibly into the touch and Castiel’s lips slowly pursed into a gentle smile, his hand trailing down to rest on Dean’s hip instead.

 

“I do not honestly believe that I have been this alive in all the years I have been here. You make me feel this way.”

 

For the moment, they enjoyed the silence around them and let their bond express the things that words couldn’t even begin to explain. The waters had ebbed away from their bare toes as they finally met gazes again and smiled brightly. This was almost too perfect for Dean, like he was dreaming again, and he waited for the downside he knew had to be coming. Cas had told him that good things happen but as far as he was concerned, never to him and never without some type of drawback.

 

“Dean. I have loved you from the moment I saw your soul in the pit. Our bond is far more profound and deeper than even my Father could possibly understand. If you would allow it, I would gladly give myself to you as your mate.” Cas paused and turned his head as if he was listening to something that Dean couldn’t hear. His frown creased his brow and he looked angry.

 

“I must go, Sam is asking questions I can not concentrate on while I am in here.” He looked back to Dean with softer features and a pleading look on his face. “Please, Dean…” He reached a hand out, gently pressing his thumb to the corner of lips he wanted to taste but that could wait. He would wait for Dean. And with that, he was gone.

 

The small dune was warm like sand on a beach, water lapping at the edges as Dean sunk into a small spot. His hand wandered to the spot that Castiel had touched and he just let his mind wander while he waited. He had no idea how to get out of this place and now that the Angel was gone, what else was there to do but think? He scoffed quietly to himself as he rolled that around his mind, fingers sliding through his hair as he closed his eyes.

 

He had given Castiel a piece of his soul. Which didn’t make any sense at all. Hadn’t Cas said something before about how Angels couldn’t have souls, something about how the Grace would consume it? Or was that Sam? Either way, Castiel had a soul and because of it, he now had a piece of Grace in him. And that made even less sense because he remembered all the bad things that Grace could do to humans, but here he was. Better than ever.

 

Mates. Oh, that sat weird in Dean’s mouth as he tried to form the words, awkwardness falling off his tongue almost. He took a deep breath, settling into the sand as he tried to really consider what the pros and cons this whole scenario carried. He had to try and wrap his head around the fact that Cas was telling him that he wanted to fall for Dean. To be human, for Dean. To spend their lives together. What seemed to bother him the most was how freaked out he wasn’t getting at the idea.

 

Years. That fact was a little startling to admit, even to himself, fingers carding through sand, teeth chewing at the corner of his lip. Sure, he had always cared for Castiel, tried to show him the finer things of humanity, tried to help him fit in so he could be one of them. But if he had to really be honest with himself, that night with the prostitute that didn’t sleep with Cas… He wasn’t sure he could ever admit to anyone how relieved he had felt. Hell, he thought to himself with a smirk, if he started from that point, he could almost draw a timeline of all the moments he had ever felt something that deep for Cas.

 

He had always brushed it off, downplaying it, treating it with total disregard. All of creation had been screaming at him for years and he was ignoring every second of it because he was too stubborn to admit it. How very typical of Dean Winchester. He rolled his eyes at himself. How had Castiel put up with him for so long, he wondered.

 

Dean sighed softly, running both hands through his hair. He had always wanted Cas, that much he knew. But he had no idea how this could possibly work for either of them. He was bad luck to everyone around him, to those he loved and even worse, those who loved him. How could he let something bad happen to Cas, after everything they had been through together? Sure, some of the things that had suffered was self inflicted on both sides, but he knew how deeply he cared about the Angel and he would do anything to keep him from suffering because of Dean.

 

Something inside of him ached at the idea. His chest became tight, breathing restricted suddenly. All at the thought that he would need to let Castiel go, send him on his way so he wouldn’t get hurt. The very thought of not having Cas around was actually causing Dean’s heart to hurt in a way so devastating, it brought tears to his eyes. That added with the emotions of this subconscious caused him to give into selfish thoughts of how tired he was of sacrificing himself and his needs for the greater good. For once, he wanted to have this and he didn’t care what other people would think.

 

He closed his eyes, allowing the sound of the water swaying at the edge of the dune. If he relaxed enough, the words he could hear from Sam and Cas were actually just clear enough that he could listen. He gave a quick thought to what the outside of him looked like at this rate. But it was gone as soon as it came and he felt all of the pent of emotions start to rush back to him. The fear, the guilt, panic bubbling up and forcing his eyes open again. Suddenly, how his physical body looked seemed to be the least important issue he was having.

  


Castiel had a hand on his face, eyes clenched shut as he felt the waves of doubt and despair crashing into the bond. He fought the urge to slide back in and just comfort Dean but this had to be done. He could feel the pull and how his body and bit of soul absolutely ached for his mate. There was little time before it would become unbearable for either of them and he had no idea how long they could last before becoming inseparable. He knew it would be soon, their bond needed the ability to solidify properly. His information was extremely limited and even what he had found had been so vague, he felt that he was making it as he was going along more than following some guidelines. One thing rang true, no matter what he found in his research, he had to fall and he would gladly do it for Dean.

 

Sam could actually feel the electricity that was radiating off their bodies, sparking in the air between them. It was a little intimidating that this is what love could really be like. He cleared his throat, trying to ignore it and almost didn’t flinch when there was a popping noise near him when Cas looked up at him, eyes on fire. Almost.

 

“If we break this, what happens?” He immediately regretted asking the question, his voice strained and foreign even to himself as his brain screamed for him to shut up. He knew it wasn’t even an option to be considered but they had to know everything to even begin to figure out how to go from here.

 

“I will continue to be an Angel of the Lord and Dean will be a human hunter as he has always been.” Sam flinched, visibly this time, at how cold Castiel’s tone was. He saw the frown on his face and how it started to twist up in an expression he had often seen on Dean’s face when he was in an uncomfortable situation, words on his tongue that he couldn’t bring himself to say. His brother had really taught Castiel how to be human, really well.

 

Castiel couldn’t really finish describing what would happen if they broke the bond. So few details, far too many emotions. The words were caught in his throat and had him choked up. What could he say, really? The process would be harmless at this stage, letting the Grace burn from Dean’s soul would be almost effortless and his soul slowly being consumed. But what they shared, everything they had between them, would be infinitely destroyed. Then where would they be?

 

“Right, bad idea.” It was etched into Castiel’s features. The pain, the anxiety at the thought. He wouldn’t let that happen to them. “We just got you human enough, we can’t be going and ruining that now can we?” He tried to give the Angel a comforting smile. “So what happens if you two go through with this, then? What is the endgame here?” He wanted to make it clear to Castiel that the only option for them was to go on. No turning back.

 

“Sam.” Castiel’s voice was firm, the word solid. The look in his eyes was warring between distraught and conviction, a look that was so emotionally disheartening to the younger Winchester. “The only other option is to bind our souls together. Angels are not meant to have souls. This would force me to have my Grace not only taken from me but given willingly in a way that would not allow me to ever receive it again. I would fall and have no hope of returning to Heaven until my last human day here on Earth.” He gave a slight gulp at the thought. “We would be bound to each other throughout our human lives and when we die, our souls would be tied together in Heaven for eternity.”

 

_Holy shit._

 

“Wait, so, fall. You mean fall? As in fall from Heaven, no more Angel, fall?”

 

Castiel refrained from rolling his eyes. “Here is what I know, Sam.” He slowly explained it in the utmost detail he could manage.

 

The process, or what he had found of it, called for them to be in isolation for three days, at the very least. They would be at their weakest, unable to separate from each other. Once the bond was firmly in place, they would be able to pull away from each other for extended periods of time. It was obvious to Sam that Cas was looking forward to something like that but he made no mention of it. He continued on, explaining that as soon as they were able to, the would need to ‘consummate’ their bond in its entirety. Once they reached that point, the Grace on Dean’s soul would be charged enough to brush with Castiel’s. Apparently, that would give Cas the ability to use his Grace to consume their souls and combine them, binding them as one. With that, Castiel would fall and cease to be an Angel of the Lord and become, instead, Castiel, human hunter and mate to Dean Winchester.

 

Sam could hear it in his voice, could feel how badly Cas wanted it. Watched him wring his hands in his lap as he talked about the consummation, and who the hell still used that word, saw the way the blush colored his cheeks and even went to the tips of his ears. He knew, without a shadow of doubt, that Cas had disappeared that first time to find out everything he possibly could and, probably, to come to terms with the fact that he wanted this. He had made up his mind, he was going to fall for Dean in every way he could.

 

“Dean’s never gonna go for it.” Sam stated quietly, glancing towards his catatonic brother. “He would never let you fall for him. He refused to believe you were willing to save him from the pit, he still thinks he doesn’t deserve you even as you are. He’s never gonna accept that he’s worthy of your love, let alone allow you to fall and be bound to him eternally.”

 

Cas found himself laughing at Sam’s words. He was right, he could still feel the doubt from Dean, felt the way he was trying to pull away from Castiel. He had tried to soothe it with his affection but it seemed now that he had left the bond, all that pent up dread was welling back up inside the hunter. Dean was lost in his subconsciousness, telling himself that he didn’t deserve it and he couldn’t have him. He couldn’t love Castiel and couldn’t give him what he needed.

 

It was as if something had snapped inside Dean. He had spent the last few moments setting his resolve in his decision and he was able to break from the bond. He blinked a few times, squinting as if the light of the room now hurt his eyes. He looked at Sam, trying not to glance towards Castiel, eyebrows raised as he tried to make sure he wasn’t imagining that he was back to the land of the living. Sam’s resulting head tilt told him he wasn’t.

 

“Dean. Hey, listen-”

 

“No, Sam. We both know it. This can’t happen. I have enough blood on my hands. I can’t have Cas’ Grace and his humanity on them as well. This is not up for debate.” He turned broken eyes to Castiel and gave him a pleading look, beggin for the Angel to understand why he was doing this.

 

“Cas, I lo-” He coughed and gave a look that spoke of discomfort. “You know what you mean to us. To me. I couldn’t live with myself if I let you do this.” Dean sighed and closed his eyes, unable to look at Cas when he said his next words. He was such a coward. “We can’t be this. I don’t want to be bound with you.”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't kill me, I'm trying to give fair warning now that this is about to get a whole lot darker before we get to the good stuff. I love you guys for reading this, you're awesome and you make me wanna get this done right. But I can't do that if you come after me with pitchforks so please, hold out on that for a few more chapters.


	3. Broken Heart Syndrome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It felt as if there was ice in his veins, slowly creeping through and freezing his entire body. Every bit of him went cold, a shiver going through him and his jaw tight to keep from chattering his teeth together. His brain shut down, no thoughts about anything but the words from Dean’s mouth echoing sinisterly around the empty expanse of his mind. I don’t want to be bound with you. He had said it so easily. It ripped at something deep inside of Castiel. It caused him to wonder curiously if this sick sensation of his heart dropping to his stomach was what it would feel like for his soul to die when they broke the bond. The softest whisper of a voice at the back of his mind, as everything in front of him began to swim and his vision began to give out, said yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost didn't make it to post tonight. But, thanks to the amazing work of my wonderful beta who is the best in the whole world.

**Broken Heart Syndrome**

  
  
  


Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy. The words floated around Castiel’s mind, the Angel vaguely aware of having read about it somewhere. He had taken interest in the idea of such an occurrence when he had visited a hospital years ago, spending more time than usual tied up in books and research papers. He even went as far as watching over a few hospitals with patients that experienced such a thing.

 

“Broken Heart Syndrome” was the words a nurse had told him once as he watched a patient sleep, her vitals beeping softly in the silence of the room. It mimicked a true heart attack so closely that it took more psychological diagnosis than it did medical, leaving Castiel to just stand by in wonder. He had believed that he would never understand how humans could let themselves be so emotionally compromised. How they could become upset to the point of their anatomy actually malfunctioning.

 

He had really, truly believed that he would never know. And here he was, the tightening in his chest stealing his breath away, his left arm feeling like it was in a vice that refused to let up, actually beginning to understand what it meant.

 

It felt as if there was ice in his veins, slowly creeping through and freezing his entire body. Every bit of him went cold, a shiver going through him and his jaw tight to keep from chattering his teeth together. His brain shut down, no thoughts about anything but the words from Dean’s mouth echoing sinisterly around the empty expanse of his mind. _I don’t want to be bound with you._ He had said it so easily. It ripped at something deep inside of Castiel. It caused him to wonder curiously if this sick sensation of his heart dropping to his stomach was what it would feel like for his soul to die when they broke the bond. The softest whisper of a voice at the back of his mind, as everything in front of him began to swim and his vision began to give out, said yes.

 

Sam could not believe what Dean has just done. Of all the times that he had watched his brother throw away the world, this was the one time he had hoped he would just give in. He had known for years how stupid his brother was, reckless, oblivious, self deprecating, but heartless? So merciless that he would blatantly rip out the heart of an Angel and rip it to shreds? Never once did he expect Dean to deny Castiel and deny them what they needed most. Each other.

 

Time seemed to have slowed down. As soon as the words hit Dean’s lips and started to fall, Cas knew what he was saying. He could feel how sorry Dean was, felt the guilt radiating from him, the waves of regret and remorse crashing into him as he stood there, stunned. He should have known better. How long had he known the Winchesters? Had he not rebuilt Dean with his bare hands, knowing every piece of him, knowing his soul better than he knew anything about himself. None of this mattered as the words floated in the air between them, shattering his heart in record time.

 

Castiel didn’t even realize he was moving. Sam had tried to head him off, standing as soon as he saw the movements and reaching out to stop him. Despite being of moose proportions, he had missed, and by the time he had adjusted, Cas was already in the hallway, leaning heavily against a wall.

 

The pain in his chest was overwhelming and rather alarming. It settled in the left side, shoulder tensed up as if his tendons were too tight. In spite of this pain, he gritted his teeth, forcing himself to take step after step, needing to get away. He could not be here, could not do this anymore. Maybe, if he concentrated enough, he could just make it a few more steps. And that’s where he collapsed against the wall, the tightness in his chest taking over. He was breathless and he didn’t fight the darkness that came over him so easily.

Dean stood in the room still, not bothering to follow Castiel or his brother. How could he chase what he had not only denied himself but pushed away? No. He didn’t deserve the love that Cas was trying to give him. He had to let him go, it was the right thing to do. Cas was an Angel, he had so many other, more important, things to worry about, had Heaven calling and taking him away all the time. He knew that and because of it, he knew that he would never be enough to surpass that. He was nothing but a human, a poor example of one. No matter how his soul begged him to let Cas have him, how much of a lie his words had been, he had to let go.

 

Pain shot through his chest, seared in his left arm, causing the air from his lungs to disappear, forcing him to sit back in the chair. He had heard Sam call out his name but he ignored everything around him. His lungs were burning, his tattoo was starting to pulse, sharp stabs of pain searing through his skin. He couldn’t even begin to understand how the bond with Castiel worked but he had to try to reach out for the Angel, find him in the midst of all the chaos of emotions inside him. When he received no reply for every attempt, he screamed until he had no voice left.

 

Sam was torn. He had followed Castiel into the hallway and was now holding an armful of unconscious Angel. He tried everything he could, checking for a pulse, checking for any small puffs of breath, things he was almost positive Angels didn’t even require but what else was there that he could do, leave him here? When he found nothing, he felt so helpless. Sure, they didn’t need to breath or anything, but they also didn’t collapse in hallways after their mate turned them away. As soon as he heard Dean’s anguished scream, he knew. _Dean, you **dumbass**._

 

-

 

The trip to the hospital was death defying. Dean drove like a bat out of hell, Sam attempting to resuscitate Castiel in the cramped back seat of the Impala. When he finally got the faintest hint of a pulse with weak puffs of air from blue lips, Sam leaned over the seat and informed Dean. His voice was cold, void of emotions, full of accusations. Every single one of them was right, he could just hear it in his brothers tone. This, everything, was all his fault.

 

 _All he wanted was you. Why couldn’t you just give him that?_ Dean chuckled darkly to himself and the voice in his head. Cas had to know that he was not someone desirable. He only hurt people, his mentality was to love ‘em and leave ‘em. _Not Cas. Never Cas._ No… No, he thought somberly. Not Cas, never Cas. No matter what they had done to each other, how they had hurt and betrayed each other, they always came back. Castiel would always come back and Dean would always be waiting.

 

Castiel deserved better. _And you don’t deserve his love?_ How could he even love Dean? He was a terrible example of a person. He couldn't allow himself to love, would never let someone close enough to him to be loved. He was completely incapable of showing affection, how could he ever love Cas? _Is that what you’re going to keep telling yourself, you don’t already love him more than you had ever thought possible of yourself?_ He wasn’t sure where that voice was coming from but it could shut the hell up.

 

Dean sat in the car for a long time, staring at the hospital doors. Sam had moosed his way into the building with Castiel’s dead weight in his arms when they had arrived and Dean had offered to park before heading in. He couldn’t face the diagnosis yet. The pain in his chest ached more now that they were here, his heart clenching and his nerves on end when he could feel the bond still reacting to Cas. It was like he could feel the tears the Angel was crying, feel the dry heaves that followed the choked back sobs. It was unbearable.

 

He tried to apologize the only way he knew how, sending his emotions through the bond in hopes that it would reach Castiel. What he ended up with was a brick wall of silence. All the pain was gone now, tears dried and emotions faded. Cas had shut him out, shut him down, put up a barrier to keep him out. The only thing left for Dean to feel was the despair he found himself wallowing in. Fear bubbled up inside of him, playing on an infinite loop in his mind and he felt the tears welling up, prickling his eyes. How could he be the cause of this for Cas? His best friend, his Angel. Well, maybe not his personal Angel, Castiel did show him favor but it wasn’t like he…

 

_Oh._

 

It was the absolute understatement in the history of Too Late Epiphanies of Dean Winchester. He couldn't believe he had been so blind, so oblivious and stupid to everything around him, between them. Cas had always done everything for Dean. Things Dean asked for, didn’t ask for, wouldn’t ask for, things he was too proud to ask for. He could hear the way Castiel’s voice sounded like deep rumbling thunder, hear his words echoing. I did all of it. For you. He choked out a soft sob, fists clenched against the steering wheel. Cas had only ever done whatever it took to please Dean, save him, keep him. Oh didn’t even begin to break the surface.

 

“He’s gonna die, you know. In there. With Sam at his side, without you.”

 

Dean jumped, swearing as he struck his elbow into the door sharply, pain surging through his arm into a space between his ribs. The twinge cause a tear to roll down his cheek that had been threatening to escape from his revelation and he was quick to wipe it away. No chick flick moments now, he told himself. This was serious. He turned to the voice and found himself staring at the somber face of Gabriel. The trickster wasn’t looking at him, his eyes were trained on the small building across the empty parking lot.

 

“What in the hell are you talking about?” Dean’s voice was rough from the tears he had swallowed down, gritty with emotions. Gabriel didn’t even acknowledge that he had said anything. He was still staring out of the window, sighing quietly.

 

“He’s gonna die. All alone. And for what? Cause you got scared?” He scoffed, placing a hand against the window, fingers brushing along the trim. “When he dies, Dean, he will cease to know you. That little soul” he sneered the word, as if disgusted by the mere thought of it, “you gave him will shrivel up and die. All those silly memories of humanity will die with it and he will be reborn as an Angel of the Lord.” Gabriel finally turned cold, chocolate brown eyes on Dean. “He will forget everything about you.”

 

Dean’s face blanched, growing paler with every word that came from Gabriel’s lips. He knew how impossible he often was to live with when Castiel was gone for long periods of time. But the this, the idea that he would never come back, Dean couldn’t handle it. He had lost Cas, sure, but he had always come back. He was never really gone. Not even that gripping fear of spending the rest of eternity in Hell and the thought of becoming a soul torturing demon was comparable to the absolute chilling horror of losing Castiel.

 

“Wha-” Dean cleared his throat, tears sliding down his cheeks unchecked now, his tight control on his emotions crumbling. “What can I do?”

 

Gabriel barked out a harsh laugh and turned to him with a cold, calculated glare. “You really don’t listen to anything anyone says to you, do you? When Castiel tried to explain to you what this was. When he tried to tell you that there would be no going back, no fixing this, no possibility of recreating this ridiculous bond between you to. You break it, you buy it, Dean-o.” He turned his gaze back to the hospital, Dean watching as his expression softened as he whispered quietly, almost like it hurt to say the words, “He doesn’t have long now. I’m surprised he had enough strength to hold on this long. All for you.”

 

Dean knew he would regret it later when he pressed his foot against the door, kicking it open. He winced to himself as he did the same to shut it, muttering a small apology to his Baby under his breath as he bolted in a full sprint towards the doors. He was out of breath when he reached the receptionist, not caring how rude he was sounding when he demanded to know where Cas was. He rubbed his face, starting to apologize when he felt a hand fall on his shoulder.

 

“Dean.”

 

_**No.** _

 

He knew that tone, the voice. He had heard it far too often. One word was not supposed to be able to carry so much weight. There was no way for four letters to convey the pain of what had happened, to tell an entire story in a syllable. But with Sam’s voice, it always did. Dean’s eyes slid shut as tears finally rolled down his cheeks, giving up the fight to hold them back anymore. This couldn’t be happening, he could not be too late this time.

 

Castiel looked so peaceful in the bed, blankets tucked around him. His face was serene and it made Dean sick as he stared at the way he looked like he was sleeping rather than being the lifeless body that was reality. Sam was saying something behind him, a few words bleeding through as he continued to just stare.

 

“He cried for you… scared… said he loved… Dean, where… why…”

 

Every word stabbed his heart, white hot searing pain jolting through him. Proportionately, this pain was nothing to how his arm burned like acid was eating away at the skin and bone of his shoulder. He put his hand over the small droplet of ink sliding from under his sleeve. The mark. It was going to disappear and just drip off of him like water as the bond faded. _Oh god, what have I done?_

 

In their entire lives, even when they were younger, maybe even especially when they were kids and Dean tried to act as tough as he could to protect him, Sam had never seen his brother fall apart. He had never watched him crumble into himself, had never heard the sickening sound of sobs coming from him. He had never thought he would watch Dean clutch at the hands of someone he loved so vehemently, begging, pleading, telling him that he truly loved him and he couldn’t just go on without him. But there he was, standing at the door of a small country hospital, watching Dean press desperate kisses to the lifeless hands of an Angel as he broke down completely.

 

“No, Cas. No! I wanted to spend forever with you. Please! Come back to me, please. I need you.” Those words were so familiar in his mouth that he knew, even if Castiel could hear him, why would this time be any different. He knew what he has to do. “I’ll be yours, everything, anything, yours. Please. Oh god….” Dean couldn’t talk anymore, his head buried in the blankets that covered Castiel’s body, his hands clutching at the cold hands of his Angel that he had let suffer. With a deep, shaky breath and everything bit of strength he had left in him, he threw his head back, giving an anguished, inhumane howl of devastation.

 

It wasn’t until several hours later, after Dean had managed to cry himself into dehydration, that he had closed his eyes to rest for just a moment. Sam had left in search of food and something to drink, leaving him to whisper sweet nothings into blankets and cold skin. As soon as he closed his eyes, the entire room was engulfed in the purest light, casting out all shadows of every corner. Castiel’s body was bathed in the direct light until it finally faded away. When Dean’s were able to readjust to the dim lighting of the room, he noticed Cas was now standing at the end of the bed, dressed in his ever present holy tax accountant outfit.

 

He rushed to sit up, wiping at his face weakly to dry any tears on his cheeks. He tried to smile but it was broken with a sob of relief in the shape of Castiel’s name. But it died on his lips when Cas looked at him with an unreadable expression He had seen that look before. Only then, he had been ‘Emmanuel’ and it didn’t break Dean’s heart as it did now. He was able to get Cas back from that. He wasn’t going to be able to do that now. The smile slid from his lips as he tried to find the words to speak.

 

“Hello. Who are you and why exactly am I here at this moment?” Castiel asked, incredibly irritated and brash. The usual Angel before Dean had ever attempted to breathe humanity into him. Nothing killed Dean from the inside quite like watching this. Not his father always preferring Sam over him, not the betrayal of trust from everyone around him, not even the loss of Sam, nothing tore up Dean’s faith in the way Cas was looking at him. No recognition. No side glances that Dean always had assumed he imagined out of the corner of his eyes when he was trying not to look at Cas and failing horribly.

 

“I do not need to be here. If there is nothing else, I will be leaving now.” Castiel puffed his chest out quite a bit, looking around the room. He obviously couldn’t understand why he was bothering to conversate with the human. And, as all Angel logic went, he was gone before Dean could even open his mouth to speak.

 

When Sam walked back into the room, hopeful eyes glancing around, he was so sure he had seen the worst of Dean and that he had heard Castiel’s voice. “Where’s Cas? I thought I heard him talking, what-” He stopped short. He had seen Dean die more times than he could even count, from just about everything he thought could bring about the death of his hard headed brother. He really believed that thought until that moment as he watched the light in Dean’s eyes fade away and his brother died for the last time, from the heartbreak he didn’t even know could happen.

 

-

 

The door to Castiel’s bedroom was pushed open to the wall. Eyes that once were portraits of rolling hills, meadows of grass as far as the eye could see, were now dull. They were a sickly color that looked more like the substance Dean had ended up gagging on as he emptied his stomach when they got home. He had cried so hard to drive him into dry heaves and hugging the side of a toilet for the majority of an hour before he settled himself into a limp pile of clothing in the hallway. There, he sat and stared into the room. The pupils were dilated to pinpoints, refusing to see anything in front of him, unable to handle the reality of having lost it all.

 

Sam had watched, helpless, worried more about when the last time Dean had moved than about the state of mourning he was in. If he could keep Dean alive, keep his body in enough of a shape to snap him out of this. He couldn’t even remember the last time he saw his brother blink, let alone move to eat or even go to the bathroom. He was sure that it had been days, if not almost a week now and Sam almost started to forget what his brother’s voice even sounded like. Almost.

 

The last thing Dean has said to him still echoed in his mind like a sick horror story that would give him nightmares. His voice was broken and shattered, whispered words cracking even as they fell from dry lips. “Leave me… Just leave me here to die in peace, Sam.” He had tried to fight against it, drag Dean up from his spot on the floor, get him to see just how much it was hurting him to see his older brother giving up like this. But each time only caused Dean to revert back to the rumpled pile of clothes, misery and despair that melted onto the floor in front of Castiel’s bedroom door. Sam had finally relented, unable to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

The emptiness had long since swallowed Dean,  leaving his body cold, eyes hollow. His body had almost certainly began to atrophy, weak from the depression, the weight of his failure heavy on him. He had been known to fuck up before,  hell, they called relationship ending catastrophes "The Winchester". But this, Castiel, had always been different for him. He tried everything he could to fix it, to make it right with the Angel, to make him understand how much he mattered. He had not only failed, he lost everything he could have ever wanted, it only added to the feeling of hopelessness he seemed to be drowning in.

 

There was a soft sound, the same sound that haunted Dean’s mind, the sound of wings and feathers gently rustling just inside the open, empty room. Dean’s heart leapt into his throat and his body protested fiercely as he scrambled into the room. His eyes looked around frantically and found no source for the sound. He crumpled onto his knees in the middle of the room, a new wave of sadness forcing wrecked sobs from his throat. His fingers slid into his hair, gripping at the messy locks when he lost himself in the realization that none of this would ever go away. He would never be capable of letting go of Cas.

 

“Cas…” He sobbed against the cool skin of his forearms, body racked with heavy shudders. “Please, have your ears on.” He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself enough to speak. It still didn’t help, his voice was wrecked and he was falling apart. “I have always meant it. I need you, buddy.” He gritted his teeth together before crying out, his palms turned up. “There ain’t no me if there ain’t no you.” And no matter what he has ever said to Sam, no matter how much his brother had meant to him, when it came to Cas, he truly meant it all.

 

The silence was deafening. Dean couldn’t tell if it had been thirty seconds or three hours before he heard the sound again. The way he gave a cry of relief only made it worse for both parties involved when, instead of stark blue eyes, he saw only the golden brown, sorrow filled eyes of Gabriel. And the Angel looked ashamed and extremely uncomfortable as he stood in the doorway of the room.

 

“Gabriel.” The Angel’s eyes were clenched shut at the pain in the voice. “Gabe, I didn’t… I didn’t know.” And if he could have, if his Father hadn’t forced him to do His bidding this way, he would have told Dean everything. But such was the way of the Lord.

 

A soft sigh wisped off his lips as he just appeared next to Dean, kneeling, his hand reaching out. The touch was light on the Hunter’s shoulder, a weak attempt to soothe the distraught man. “I know. I know, Dean and I am so sorry. This…” He gestured weakly to the room around them, to the look on Dean’s face. “This wasn’t fun. And I wish I hadn’t done it. I didn’t know, Dean…” His face was wrought with the pain he was holding back. “I really thought… oh Dean-o, you have no idea.” With those words, he pressed his hand against Dean’s neck, white light flooding the room and everything inside Dean.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can explain. And i promise, it's gonna get better. At least I think. Or so I have written thus far. >_> Please stay tuned! And thank you to everyone who is reading and everyone who keeps reading, it means the world to me.


	4. Translucent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean stared down at his hands as if they had the answer. He could remember Cas explaining it to him but it was all jumbled words and deeper meanings than he could even remember. He did recall that it had something to do with the piece of Dean’s soul that was attached to Castiel’s Grace, how it was allowing them to have this deep bond and share with each other. But could that mean that the small sliver of Grace inside him would give him the ability to do the same thing for Cas? He could barely wrap his head around the fact that he had it in him, let alone how to use the damn stuff. Angel mojo. Dean huffed silently to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here's the promised [and very needed] fluff that I definitely owe to you guys for reading the last chapter. I promise it only goes up from here. At least I think so. 
> 
> On another note, there are some canon lines in here. I couldn't help myself. 
> 
> ENJOY!

**Translucent**

Everything looked the same, he was in the hallway, same spot against the wall, same crumpled form, same spot he had been staring at the for the past week. His muscles were weak with atrophy, his eyes burned from both too many tears and unshed ones he fought back even now. The door was still wide open to the room in front of him, his vision trained on the exact spot he had been staring a hole into for the past week. But now, everything changed. He blinked repeatedly, eyes going a little wide as he tried to grasp what he was finally seeing.

 

The room was far from empty now. On the bed was Castiel, eyes glazed over, unseeing, body relaxed. There was a chair next to the bed and Dean knew, without a shadow of doubt, it was Sam slumped over the side of the bed, shoulder hunched in on themselves, tense with grief. The sight made him sick with far fetched hope and he felt wary to believe a second of it. He had just spent an entire week, every waking moment, suffering from the loss of Cas and now it was all just a trick? Good things do happen. He could hear Castiel’s voice in his head. Not in my experience. He had meant it then and the echo of those words rang true now more than ever.

 

_Gabriel_. The name sat in his mouth as he thought about what had happened. Gabriel had been cruel before, he was an Angel, they were dicks with wings. But the way he had looked at Dean, sadness radiating off him as he apologized to him. Had mentioned that he didn’t want to do it. He really did not want to dwell on those thoughts, there was far too much confusion and none of it made sense. But he has said he didn’t know. Didn’t know what? That Dean would fall apart without Cas? That he would turn into a helpless mess, a hopeless lost cause? That losing Cas that way would draw from him things he could never say to his own **family** , let alone an Angel of the Lord? He would never admit to having told Castiel that he loved him, not if his life depended on it. But that didn’t stop him from wondering what type of sick game Gabriel had been playing with them.

 

He gave an indignant snort as he contemplated it all. It must have been more audible than he realized, Sam’s head whipping around so fast, Dean actually wondered if Sasquatch had given himself whiplash. _Startled Moose_ , he mused to himself with a small smile, watching his brother stumbled to stand in front of him. He was all gangly limbs and incoordination, obviously stiff from where he had been sitting before. Two large hands were held out to Dean and he decided to take them up on his offer, standing up slowly, wincing at just how sore his whole body really was. Those hands betrayed him in the end when they pulled him in for a crushing hug against Sam’s chest.

 

“Dean, how long have you been here? When did you get back? I thought you had left.” Sam’s words were rushed, almost jumbling into each other, speaking of relief and panic all in the same breath. He knew what his brother was trying to say. Cas needed him. Now. He hugged Dean rather roughly, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to say in so many words what he could convey with a simple touch. He also knew Dean wouldn’t appreciate the chick flick moment of verbal emotions. The older Winchester gave a gentle squeeze and a pat to Sam’s shoulder to assure him that he was fine and the most important thing to either of them was the Angel in the bedroom.

 

Castiel laid in the bed, head propped up by pillows, blankets resting on his chest. Dean watched the way they would rise and fall with every breath, wondering how he could have missed this, how he didn’t appreciate this before. Cas looked so peaceful, serene, he looked… _Dead. But with a pulse._ The thought sickened him as he saw the cold, blank stare of eyes that were once so blue, now so pale.

 

The memory of Cas in the hospital bed tugged at Dean’s heart, bringing tears to his eyes, his hand to his shoulder. He felt the familiar tingle under his fingertips and jolted. _The bond!_ Dean had all but forgotten about it, lost in heartbreak from losing Castiel and now lost at how to bring him back. The past week may as well have been a year with how cold and empty his body had been from the loss of the bond. Now, as he closed his eyes and traced the outline of the mark on his shoulder, he could feel it enough to focus on it. And focus he did, letting it wash over him with ease. He had never felt this way before and he would be damned if he lost it again.

 

Sam noticed, a strangled noise coming from him, elbow nudging Dean in the side as he tried to form words. He looked more like a drowning moose, minus the water. He rolled his eyes at his younger brother before he followed his gaze and looked down to see what all the fuss was about. Then he gasped softly. The tattoo was glowing again, almost shimmering. There were small waves of the dark ink rippling as his finger gently tapped against the very outline. He could feel Cas through it, feel bits of love. It left Dean at a loss for words, looking at Sam for some explanation but he knew that he was the only one with any information on it.

 

Mentally, he made bitch face number 347 that he had learned from Sam before taking a deep breath to divulge everything he could. He just hoped that Sam would refrain from making jokes long enough for them to get somewhere with it.

 

“So what you’re trying to tell me is that you’ve watched Alice in Wonderland.”

 

In hindsight, he was actually upset at himself for believing he could trust Sam. How could he have ever thought it was a good idea to tell his little brother something like that?

 

“Sam. Focus, could you?”

 

“Right. Fine. Sorry. Okay, so, he was in your subconscious.” Sam gave him a wary look from the corner of his eye. “How?”

 

Dean stared down at his hands as if they had the answer. He could remember Cas explaining it to him but it was all jumbled words and deeper meanings than he could even remember. He did recall that it had something to do with the piece of Dean’s soul that was attached to Castiel’s Grace, how it was allowing them to have this deep bond and share with each other. But could that mean that the small sliver of Grace inside him would give him the ability to do the same thing for Cas? He could barely wrap his head around the fact that he had it in him, let alone how to use the damn stuff. _Angel mojo._ Dean huffed silently to himself.

 

“Do I look like the person to be asking about this kinda stuff, Sammy? I don’t know how it worked. I don’t… but I’ve gotta try, right?” He thought back to how hard it was to deal with losing Cas and it wasn’t any easier explaining it to his brother without breaking down. “You have no idea what it was like.”

 

Sam barked a laugh that was cold and almost condescending. “ _ **I**_ don’t know? I was stuck hunting for months for that stupid trickster, Gabriel, when you died. I lived through over a hund Tuesdays only to watch you die repeatedly! Don’t you even try to tell me that I don’t know what it’s like.” His voice was a low growl and Dean could see the tears brimming in his eyes. He felt a pang of guilt low in his stomach, giving Sam a gentle, apologetic look. He had forgotten about that.

 

But he couldn’t forget how he felt. He knew how he felt about Sam, had given his life to save his brother. He would do it again, no matter what. This was different with Cas. He had fought the word long enough and he knew it would make him grimace to say it out loud. Sam had to know, which meant he had to say it. He supposed he would just have to get used to it. If that stupid word could bring Cas back, he would shout it from the rooftops for the rest of his life.

 

“It was awful. You told me he had asked for me when he…” He winced. This would not be easy. “You asked why I wasn’t there. Why I didn’t care enough.” He looked up, a pathetic look in his eyes. “You didn’t say it but I knew you were asking me why I didn’t love him enough.”

 

“Dean. I wouldn’t-”

 

“Sammy, I do, you know. I love him. He’s a damn Angel of the Lord and I would give anything for him. You of all people know that family doesn’t end with blood.” Dean’s eyes wandered to Castiel’s face. “It’s gonna hurt and I’m not looking forward to it. I don’t even know how I’m going to say it. But if it means I won’t lose him…”

 

He didn’t have to finish the thought. Sam knew. Dean was watching Cas with eyes that reminded him of how he would look at Jess. And then how he would look at her picture after she was gone, blaming himself for her death. There had been no arguing with him when she was gone and with Castiel still here, in that bed not three feet away, he knew Dean would never give up. They had to at least try.

 

“Alright. So how do we do this?”

 

Well, that was a good question.

 

-

 

They sat next to the bed for about an hour, or what the clock said was an hour but felt more like ten. Dean had almost given himself a nose bleed with the force of his concentration, trying to figure out a way to enter the bond with Cas. They took a break, Sam grabbing a few drinks, Dean resting his head on his folded arms on the edge of the bed. He sighed to himself as he glanced at Castiel’s blanks stare. It wasn’t working and he could not understand why. How had the Angel made it look so easy when he had been sitting there, waiting for Dean? _Damn it, Cas._

 

“Let me in, Cas.” Dean whispered quietly. He didn’t bother to care about how wrecked his voice sounded as he continued. “I can’t do this alone. I have to have you.” He hesitantly reached a hand under the blanket to gently wrap pinkies with Castiel. The touch was like electricity shocking him, surging through veins. He jumped, gave a startled yelp and swore to himself that he would never speak of how girly he looked doing it. At least there were no witnesses.

 

He did, however, noticed how the bond had reacted. His body was humming with excitement. He had an idea.

 

When Sam came back with drinks in hand, Dean leapt to his feet, knocking the chair over. Renewed vigor was vibrating through him with the hope that he had finally figured out what he had to do. “I think I’ve got it.”

 

They had decided it would be easier if Dean was laying with Cas on the bed and it helped because he definitely couldn’t bare to look Sam in the eye as he slid into the bed next to the Angel. His arm went out reflexively around Castiel’s waist, slowly pulling and pushing until he was on his side. When his nose collide with the spo behind the Angel’s ear, hair tickling his cheek, he couldn’t fight the urge to place a soft kiss on the skin there. Maybe, he had hoped, Sam didn’t see that.

 

The younger Winchester catalogued the scene away for later, knowing that years of watching them had finally paid off. His heart was clenching for them. But he’d never tell his brother that he was their biggest supporter. As he helped Dean turn Cas over to a comfortable spot for them to spoon, because **that** wasn’t the sweetest thing ever, he looked to Dean, waiting for a sign.

 

Dean slowly laced his fingers with Castiel’s, pressing their hands together. He closed his eyes, sighing as he tried to relax as much as possible. It was difficult, the bond responding to their touches enthusiastically, but everything felt so perfect this way. It felt like he was meant to hold Cas against him, pressing kisses to his neck and ear. His body knew they were supposed to be together, the Grace and their souls rejoicing. With all of those emotions swirling around inside of him, he allowed the bond to envelop him completely, eyes sliding shut.

 

When he blinked, he had to take a moment to allow his brain to register what he was seeing. Castiel’s subconscious was a million times better than Dean’s. He blamed it on how terrified he had been, the panic taking over and creating that scene. He could work with that, the fear of what was happening being the only reason his mind had dredged up an old Disney movie scene. But here, he was in a field of endless grass. The breeze was so gentle and Dean almost felt like he could lay down and fall asleep on a whim. He shook his head, trying to focus on the task at hand as he began to walk. He wondered if he should yell for Cas in such a peaceful place. It almost seemed wrong to even make a sound.

 

For what felt like hours, he had been walking in circles, looking for any sign of the Angel. He felt more lost here than he had felt in his own subconscious and his own life. He couldn’t bear the silence a moment longer, left with only his thoughts and those were not entirely upbeat. He took a deep breath and stood as still as he could to allow the scream to go undisturbed.

 

“Dean?”

 

The Hunter in question very nearly choked on the breath he had been holding as he turned, Cas standing a few feet away. He looked… like an Angel. He could remember seeing the shadows of those wings when they had first met in the barn. Now…

 

“You’re beautiful.” He sounded breathless, unable to tear his eyes from the wings that actually seemed to flutter at the compliment. He took a step forward, hands coming up to reach out to Cas. He was drawn to how soft they looked, how shiny the feathers were, how the color looked like liquid ink in a solid form. He just wanted to touch but the Angel had other ideas.

 

“Dean. What are those?”

 

Dean turned to look behind him where Castiel’s eyes were drawn to, seeing only more grass. He felt and heard the rustling behind him with every step he took to find the source of the sound. He must have looked absolutely ridiculous because Cas didn’t leave him in suspense for very long.

 

“Dean. Why do you have wings?”

 

“I’ve got what!?”

 

Dean had never looked this animated before. He was now flailing around in circles, arms flapping at his sides and shoulders in attempts to reach behind him. Castiel watched with a bemused smile that faded quickly when he saw how translucent the wings actually were. The wings were nothing more than a manifestation of the Grace that Dean bore on his soul, the key to his subconscious. It broke Castiel’s heart and the small piece of him that wished it could have been real.

 

“I can’t see the damn things. How do I work them? What the hell? Cas, help me here, man.” Dean continued to flail and ramble as his fingers were just out of reach of shimmering feathers. Castiel would never admit that he enjoyed watching the Hunter this way but he knew he could only let him suffer a moment longer before he walked the steps that still separated them, a hand coming up to Dean’s shoulder. The touch alone made them both warm with the fray of emotions they didn’t dare to speak of.

 

Their eyes met and Dean felt all those emotions he had inside bubble over into tears and endearing words that were mumbled into Castiel’s shoulder as he clung to the Angel. His hands rubbed over his hips, pushing up the soft material of the shirt to press warm palms into the small of Castiel’s back. His fingertips rubbed into the muscle as he failed to gather his thoughts into any intelligible sentences.

 

“Dean.” Castiel’s hands were tentatively rubbing over the Hunter’s back, trying to soothe him. “Please, calm down. Talk to me.” His voice was a whisper as he leaned to dust kisses in Dean’s hair before his lips fell to the exposed skin of his shoulder.

 

“I thought I had lost you. I watched…” Dean gulped, more tears sliding down his cheek. He clenched his eyes shut, the pain more overwhelming now that he was actually holding Castiel in his arms. “You died because I hurt you.”

 

Cas nodded grimly, remembering that deep voice saying what was possibly the only thing that had ever really hurt him. The words had been echoing in an endless loop in his head since he had let himself sink into this state of mind and he had let it dig into him so much that he couldn’t tell if Dean was being sincere.

 

“It was cold. I was hurting. Cas, I’ve told you so many times before but I think you need to know this.” Dean pulled away from the embrace and took Castiel’s hands in his, even if he ached to hold the Angell again. “I am weak. Broken. Cursed. I’m arrogant. I’m an asshole, Cas. And I have never deserved to be saved. You know that. Of all the people in my life, you know that.” He stared down at their hands, thumbs rubbing circles over the knuckles of Castiel’s hands. “I will never do enough good in my entire existence to deserve this. To deserve you.”

 

He could see how his words were affecting Cas, saw the way his brow furrowed and he got that look on his face that Dean knew was his fault. He brought their hands to his lips, kissing over the spots he had just rubbed, pressing reassurance through his lips into warm skin. “I am more than willing to give anything for you. Anything you ask of me, it’s yours. You gotta be patient with me, man.” He gave a smile, trying to lighten the mood with a joke, nerves rather fried. “I suck at this, I don’t do relationships, I’m a terrible boyfriend. Or… significant other. Whatever. I suck, alright? But this, you, me, us, I’ll try. I’ll try cause I.” He paused, swallowing the lump in his throat. He had rather hoped that the rambling would make the words easier to say but there they were, caught on his tongue. He clenched his jaw and pushed himself, his tone turning rough. “Damn it, Cas. I love you. Okay?”

 

A long pause, Cas staring at Dean with wide eyes and not responding, was slowly turning into uncomfortable silence. That silence was turning into the worst descent into distress at the rejection he was and wasn’t getting all at the same time. Green eyes stared hard, expectantly, trying to find in those deep blue orbs anything to give him hope before he jumped off the cliff into despair. That’s when silence turned into cold fear, icy through Dean’s veins.

 

Castiel didn’t want him anymore. And it tore at everything inside of him worse than the thought of Cas dying in a hospital room without him, worse than seeing Cas again and Cas not knowing who he was. If he was completely honest with himself, which he never really was, this was even worse than being in the pit with Alastair.

 

Dean let the hands he was holding drop, his arms hanging at his sides.

 

“Dean.” Cas started, not expecting the hand that shot up to stop him.

 

“Don’t. I lost you once, I do not need you to do it again. Just tell me how we’re supposed to break this stupid thing since that’s obviously what you’ve decided on in here.”

 

“Dean, listen to me.”

 

He saw red as he snarled at the Angel, gritting his teeth. “ ** _No_**.” He was seething, fists clenched, fingertips digging his short nails into the skin of his palms. “You listen, _Castiel_. I lost you. You died and I let it happen. I caused it. When you were gone, I wanted to die. I tried to die! Sam blamed me…” His voice grew louder, frantic, all the memories flashing across his vision as the pain scoured through him. “I don’t do relationships because I fail every single one. I have always failed everyone I care about.” He blinked back tears threatening to spill over, voice broken as his lips trembled. “I failed you, Cas.”

 

All those memories. Those times that Dean had done what he could to show Castiel exactly how he felt, showing him how much he loved him without saying it in so many words. _“I did everything I could to get you out—everything! I did not leave you.”_ Cas could still remember the way those words punched him in the gut, fighting himself not to read any further into it. How often had he thought there was more, only to watch Dean find yet another woman for his bed. _“Look, I don’t need to feel like hell for failing you, okay? For failing you like I’ve failed every other godforsaken thing that I care about! I don’t need it!”_ He had never failed Cas. He could never fail Cas.

 

“Dean Winchester.”

 

Green eyes ringed with red, tears brimming and pearled along long lashes, stared at the ground, refusing to look up. No wonder Cas had ended up here, this heart break stuff was so traumatizing, he wasn't sure how he was going to function outside of this, without Cas. Surely with copious amounts of alcohol,  if nothing else.

 

"Dean." That deep rumble was softer now, almost a whisper. “I have loved you since the moment I was told of you, since I set my eyes upon your soul in the pit. And I will love you for all eternity.” A hand reached out and touched Dean’s fingers that were still clenched tight, knuckles white. “If you were to love me in return, there could be no way of it being a casual fling as you tend to engage in with random females. We must give everything to each other.” The other hand came up, cupping the Hunter’s cheek and raising his head, gazes meeting. “Everything, Dean. I will sacrifice it all for you but only if there is no doubt in your heart that you can give yourself over to our bond.”

 

The breeze swirled around them, a light air scent tickling their noses. Dean didn’t mean to smile through the tears that were starting to fall, but he couldn’t stop either from consuming him as the smile spread to his eyes. Those eyes that made Castiel weak, those same eyes that shared the same hue as the grass around them. He was as lost in those eyes as he had been in the field, wishing to be perpetually lost in his favorite thing about Dean.

 

“I would. No, I will give up anything. I’ll give you anything you ask, Cas. Please. Have it. Have me.”

 

Dean’s smile was contagious as wildfire that spread across Castiel’s face. “Yes, Dean. I love you and I’ll have you as you will have me.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little on the sappy side and a small cliffhanger but I promise, we're getting there. And I'm officially dedicating this fic to my beta, dauntlessinpanem, the most awesome of the awesome out there.


	5. Grace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel watched Dean, drinking in the sight of him, with those beautiful wings that shimmered in the light behind him. His hands rubbed along the Hunter’s arms, down to his hands, fingers playing against palms and along the wrists. He smiled when Dean’s fingers slid between his, gripping tightly, trying to pull them closer than they already were. He dropped the hands and let his fingers tangle in the material of the shirt hem at Dean’s waist. That was when he noticed the tears flowing silently down his cheeks. “Dean? Are you alright?”
> 
> “What are we doing, Cas?” He sniffled a bit, words wet with the tears that were freely falling and soaking his cheeks and the collar of his shirt. “I love you. How could I ever let you give up Heaven for me? Let you fall for me.” He shook his head, eyes sliding shut as he tried to stifle sobs behind the teeth that were digging into his bottom lip. There was a soft whimper as he felt himself losing his battle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little shorter, I apologize. I did it cause the next like. four or so chapters will be smut. Pure and simple. Sure, it'll have some plot mixed in but for the most part, I'm working with just... smut. Hopefully you enjoy it. 
> 
> I don't own the canon pieces I used in this chapter, I just wanna be able to tie it all together.

**Grace**

 

They stood, staring into each others eyes for longer than either of them were willing to admit. They pulled and tested their bond within this new area, Dean watching in wonder at how Castiel’s wings would flutter and moved when he would press his deepest affection into the flow of emotions between them. Cas smiled and gave soft laughs when Dean’s translucent wings would flutter and he indulged in the fact that it only frustrated the Hunter that much more having no control over them.

 

There were so many things they needed to talk about, from everything they had to do for this bond, to how they would try to fix each other while they lived their lives out as hunters together But the moment was too precious to them to ruin with things that could wait. They had all the time in the world now, everything could wait until they were ready.

 

Dean’s fingers toyed gently with the shirt Castiel was wearing and it finally hit him like a ton of bricks. He was in casual clothes. He didn’t lover overdressed for once, holy tax accountant outfit long gone. He definitely enjoyed seeing just the light shirt and a pair of jeans, tattered along the knees and at the cuffs, looking more like he was just a regular man, like a hunter, than some holy being. Cas looked so good, so normal, it was actually causing tears to well up in Dean’s eyes.

 

Castiel watched Dean, drinking in the sight of him, with those beautiful wings that shimmered in the light behind him. His hands rubbed along the Hunter’s arms, down to his hands, fingers playing against palms and along the wrists. He smiled when Dean’s fingers slid between his, gripping tightly, trying to pull them closer than they already were. He dropped the hands and let his fingers tangle in the material of the shirt hem at Dean’s waist. That was when he noticed the tears flowing silently down his cheeks. “Dean? Are you alright?”

 

“What are we doing, Cas?” He sniffled a bit, words wet with the tears that were freely falling and soaking his cheeks and the collar of his shirt. “I love you. How could I ever let you give up Heaven for me? Let you fall for me.” He shook his head, eyes sliding shut as he tried to stifle sobs behind the teeth that were digging into his bottom lip. There was a soft whimper as he felt himself losing his battle.

 

“Dean.” Castiel’s voice was soft and caring with a light laugh. Dean made another whimpering noise when he looked up at the Angel, obviously offended at the thought that he was being laughed at in this state. The sound was so pathetically adorable, mixed with the hurt puppy eyes that the Hunter was melting his heart with and Cas couldn’t help himself when he ‘awww’d’ at Dean, cupping his cheek with a warm hand. “you know that I have fall and died for you more times than we can either count. I rebelled for you, gave my whole being for you, went against everything because of you. For you.”

 

All these words coming Castiel were like echoes in Dean’s mind as he replayed all those moments in his head. How could he have been so blind to everything that was between them? How did he not see before how much they had loved each other?

 

That moment in 2014. Cas was human and was lost in drugs and sex with random women he could find. _Decadence._ Cas had said. It was the way he sounded, how he looked at the Dean from that time. It was what he had said on the drive. _But instead, we become this. The only thing I think we have left, Dean and me, is each other. If Dean says it’s time to go out in a blaze of glory, win or lose, so be it. I’m in. But then… That’s just how I roll._ No matter what, everything they had been through, Cas was there at his side. To the end.

 

It had been pointed out to him before. Balthazar had been very clear with his words and Dean was almost positive that with his tone, he wasn’t joking. _Sorry, you have me confused with the other angel. You know, the one in the dirty trenchcoat who’s in love with you._ Was it that obvious to everyone else? Of course, there was Uriel and his crass words. _You see, he has this weakness. He likes you._

 

His eyes clenched shut, tears flowing even more now as he felt his chest tightening. He couldn’t understand how he had let it come to this, come so far. _Dean, I do everything that you ask. I always come when you call. And I am your friend. Still, despite your lack of faith in me and now your threats, I just saved you yet again. Has anyone other than your closest kin ever done more for you?_ He had been so closed off, so cold and heartless to the one person who was willing to love him so unconditionally. Now, here he was, being handed the chance to have it all and more. And like hell he was going to screw it up this time.

 

Cas was looking at Dean with concern etched into his features, watching his love slip from him before his eyes. He was touching him everywhere he could reach, trying to rouse him from whatever trance he had fallen into. “Dean.” His voice was full of fear and he gently pressed their noses together, pushing against freckles in hopes to jolt him back. “Dean.”

 

“Cas.” It was breathless. “Cas.”

 

The Angel let out a huff of air, relieved that he hadn’t lost Dean. He wrapped his arms tightly around his waist, pressing their bodies together. He felt himself become overwhelmed with everything between them, bubbling up into words as he stared into the clover green eyes. “Dean, I would fall for you again and again if I could just have this moment. You are worth it to me. More than Heaven, Hell, Earth, more than my brothers. I would give it all for you.”

 

Dean made another soft noise, a whine in his throat, that drew a chuckle for Cas before the Angel pulled them towards a small clearing that was a few short steps from where they had stood for what seemed like forever. They sat down, together at first, until that became a little awkward for them. There was movement as they finally laid back, staring up into the impossibly blue sky that was endless around them. Their wings were spread behind them, feathers brushing, making Dean shiver slightly, completely freaked out about how real it all felt. As they relaxed, their wings pressed close and their hands laid entwined between them.

 

“I’m gonna end up hurting you, Cas.”

 

Oh, here we go. That was the only thought Cas had as he sighed, having thought they had gotten past all of that.

 

“You won’t.”

 

Dean rolled his eyes, Of course, Cas would say that. He didn’t know what Dean Winchester was capable of, infamous for. “Says who?”

 

“Dean, what could you possibly do to try and hurt me? Tell me you don’t love me? I know you better than anyone ever could. I know it would be a lie. So please, enlighten me.”

 

“I could freak out. Leave. Push you away. For fucks sake, I’m the king of taking something good and ruining it by just being me.” He turned his head, grass blowing around his cheek as he stared at Cas. “I could say something stupid. you know how I am. I’m full of stupid. I could hurt your feelings like I always do.”

 

“I know that you love me, Dean. And with this bond, I know better than to listen to whatever lies you could come up with like that.”

 

Dean didn’t want to continue, hated himself for the thoughts of how he could hurt the one he loved so much. “I could get drunk one night, tell myself that I don’t do this, I’m not into guys, run off and sleep with some chick. I could end up cheating on you, Cas, just because I’m scared.”

 

“.....” Cas was poised to say something but he seemed frozen, brow furrowed as he thought for a moment longer before closing his mouth. He seemed to compose his thoughts and began to speak finally. “I believe that you could not allow yourself to do that. In the event that you ever would, I am capable of handling it for the sake of our bond and our love.”

 

Handle it. Handle it? Dean was suddenly livid at both himself and Castiel. “Hold on for one damn minute now. There will be no just ‘handling it’ here. You are mine. No one else can have you. You are my Angel and I won’t let you go.” He sat up, wings poofing out behind him in his fit of rage. “I don’t care what anyone says from now on. No one else. And you know what, Angel boy?” He saw the wince that came across Castiel’s face. “That goes for me too. I belong with you, to you, I am yours. You got that?”

 

While Dean sat, huffing as he tried to calm himself down, eyes narrowed at the man still laying in the grass, Cas had one eyebrow cocked and a small, smug smile on his face. He listened to every word that the Hunter had said and he couldn’t help but feel himself bristle with pride and love. That was the Dean Winchester he knew and had fallen so deeply in love with. The one that would give the world for the one he truly loved.

 

“Yes, Dean. I understand. You are mine and no other person will ever be able to have you like I do.”

 

Dean gave a very solid snuff at the words, nodding. He looked satisfied, like he had just won an argument, settling back against the spot he had moved from. It wasn’t long before he realized what he had said. He had basically gotten angry at Cas and told him that he would never cheat on him. He couldn’t understand just who the hell he was when he was with Castiel but he decided now was not the time to dwell on such thoughts, choosing instead to lay back and enjoy himself.

 

“So.” He started, eyes closed as he tried not to fall asleep in the comfortable silence. “How do we do this? Do we do some sort of spell, incantation, dance naked under the full moon?”

 

Cas gave the last one a smirk and decided to file that thought away as something he would have to consider doing with Dean at a later time. Maybe he could lie and convince the Hunter that they needed to do it for some reason. “No, the ritual we will be required to do calls for our complete isolation for a total of 72 hours together.” What he was leaving out was how the bond was going to make them feel. That was something he wasn’t aware of, something he could find information on.

 

“What the hell are we supposed to do for three days? Can I bring movies?”

 

Blue eyes turned to him, a fire behind the icy gaze, one eyebrow cocked. “When we are in isolation, we will be unable to separate from each other. We will be forced into physical contact at every moment. The bond will grow through this. We must use that time as a chance to allow the Grace inside of you to grow if we’re gonna attempt to complete this bond.”

 

“How the hell are we supposed to help my Grace grow?”

 

In the years they had known each other, in all the times they had been together, even with the moments of the prostitute and the way that Cas had looked at him with unadulterated fear in his eyes, Dean had seen just about every reaction Castiel could possibly have. But, he had to admit to himself, he had never seen the Angel blush and he definitely was enjoying how it caused butterflies in his stomach at the tinge of color across those soft cheeks. He grew anxious at what the answer was just based on how it made Cas squirm.

 

“Cas?”

 

“We… would need to brush… our Graces… together… Dean, look. I.” There was so much hesitancy in Castiel’s voice, it only made Dean more curious.

 

“Doesn’t sound too hard. What, How do we go about doing that?”

 

If Castiel could turn more red than before, he did at the question. Dean grew warm from the inside out, wanting whatever was causing this type of reaction from an Angel of the Lord.

 

“Dean, we would be required to be as intimate as possible, far more than we have ever been. I would use my Grace during…” Cas paused, obviously straining with the words now. “ During intercourse. And especially during your orgasm, when your Grace would show the most and you would be at your most vulnerable. I would use my Grace to…” He looked like he was choking on the words, cheeks blazing, ears tipped in pink. “My Grace would be having intercourse with yours as well and I would be making yours climax so it could grow when I share it with you.”

 

Dean’s throat went dry at the thoughts running through his head. The words coming from Castiel’s mouth were causing his pants to become impossibly tight in his groin and his body was on fire at the need for anything, everything, the Angel had just described. He wanted that, wanted to try it, wanted all of it. He could barely focus on any other words that were coming from Cas, lost in the idea that he really could not wait.

 

“I would have to be gentle, it’s dangerous to expose you to the full Grace all at once, as you know. We’ll more than likely have to perform the act several times over the period of our isolation.” Castiel’s voice went impossibly soft and sweet, tugging at Dean’s heart. “I would never be able to forgive myself if I hurt you.”

 

The world was spinning around him. They would need to have sex **a lot** during the three days they were to be stuck together. And not just stuck, but physically incapable to separating their bodies. Dean shuddered and made a noise in his throat that was purely sexual and wanton. He could not _wait ._

 

“When-” He coughed, trying to get the gravely sound of lust out of his voice before he looked at Cas, green eyes narrowed, pupils blown wide, hunger written across his face. “When can we start?”

 

Castiel only grinned predatorily at him. “As soon as possible.”

 

-

 

It was easier to slip from the bond together, both blinking rapidly until the room came into focus. They had matching content smiles on their lips, still connected with Dean’s arms firm around Castiel’s middle. He gave the Angel a soft squeeze and whispered something softly into the crook of his neck before finally letting go so they could sit up.

 

It was actually rotting Sam’s teeth just to watch.

 

“What happened to you guys? Where did you go?”

 

Dean gulped. Oh. Right. He had forgotten that they would have to not only explain what was happening to Sam but once it was done and Cas was a human, they would all hunt together. At least, that’s what Dean would want. It’s what he’d push for and he would ask Cas to stay with them. Human Cas. Dean grinned at the idea.

 

Castiel was the first to sit up, stretching out his weak muscles that weren’t used to atrophy. He placed a rather possessive hand over Dean’s hips as the Hunter was still laying there, eyes moving from his brother to his Angel. The grip was gentle but firm, grounding him to the moment they were having.

 

“The bond, for now, allows Dean and I access to each others subconscious mind. There, we are able to explore emotions in a way that keeps either of us from holding secrets back and from telling each other lies.”

 

Sam just nodded, resigned to the fact that he really wanted to chronicle every moment of this unique situation but he knew he would never be able to. If not for the sake of having history of it saved, at least for Dean and the only time he really found someone he loved enough to just give into.

 

“So. Are you two… I mean, you look like… is it…?” Sam couldn’t even find the right way to say it. But say what exactly? Are they together? They sure as hell looked like it. Was everything okay now? When was it ever okay, he asked himself with dry sarcasm. The smiles on their faces and the way Dean was curling his body into Cas told him that everything would actually be okay if they were together.

 

Cas let his eyes flutter shut, sighing when he felt Dean nudge at him through the bond. He was going to be absolutely insufferable until they were in isolation, the Hunter expressing his excitement, as well as his arousal, through the bond. He couldn’t wait either but there were a few things they had to tend to first. One of the main ones was that they had to be prepared. And Sam would have to know all the consequences.

 

“We will be going ahead with the ritual. We have to be in complete isolation, confined somewhere we will have the access of necessities without the interruption of others. We can not be separated, it’ll only end up very painful for either of us if we were to be pulled apart during this time. And we’ll be extremely vulnerable.”

 

“And naked.” Dean muttered as he finally sat up, pressed against Castiel’s back like he was glued to the Angel.

 

“Yes, I do believe that will be another issue. We will be intimate quite frequently during our time. It’s not exact how often, how many times. But more than likely, quite a bit.”

 

Dean knew he was blushing as he rubbed a cheek against Castiel’s shoulder lovingly. He just wondered what his moose of a brother looked like at the statements that were coming from the Angel who would be shacked up with him for three whole days. It was too long and not long enough for Dean.

 

“Wow, gross. Seriously could have done without that information. But where the hell are you gonna get a place like that to be so secluded?”

 

Dean peeked out from his hiding spot behind the Angel, eyeballing Sam warily. He looked more like a comic book character than anything in that moment as he pointed a finger to his brother. “You need to find a place to stay for a few days. We’re staying here.”

 

“Hell no!”

 

“Bitch.”

 

Sam was already mentally picking out the closest motels he could think of that he didn’t mind. The only reason he was even considering leaving was he didn’t want to ruin whatever those two had together. No one had ever gotten Dean to do anything like this and he wanted it for his brother more than his own happiness at that moment. “Jerk.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, in chapter 2 I think it was, I created a time frame for the isolation. And I totally went and f'd that up about 3 chapters later so I apologize. I do believe I have gone back and fixed it now. But yes, I'm gonna continue with the whole 3 day time period but it's gonna be a fun action packed 3 days that will get them to the point they need to be. I'm so sorry, please don't hurt me!


	6. The First 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What’s gonna happen when you fall?”
> 
> He only got a snort as answer. they both already knew and he wasn’t exactly looking forward to it. At least, for the time being, he could just enjoy Cas still being an angel. He let his hand slide from the spot it was sitting chastely on his shoulder, fingers lightly teasing the soft hair that tufted at the nape of his neck. The softness tickled his fingertips and it felt like static was inching its way up his arm the longer he continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize greatly for having postponed this chapter until this weekend. As for the excuse, there is none. The explosion of Tumblr due to JIBCON was a bit overwhelming and I kinda let myself get swept up in it. No worries though, I'm not going anywhere any time soon so. Here's a new chapter! And I'm sorry in advance! 
> 
> And shout out to my beta and greatest friend Meg, she's the best. <3 ^_^
> 
> Also, if you ever feel like taking a peek at my tumblr, it's [right here](http://chemistink.tumblr.com/) So. Please stop by. I love talking to people.

**The First 24**

 

Once they were alone in the bunker, Sam having chosen to disappear, as soon as they were stocked with whatever they would need, with the words “I’ll find a place!” as he left, Dean collapsed onto the couch with a loud sigh. At the very least, they were home. He beckoned Castiel to him, an arm stretched out along the back of the couch, waiting. The Angel gladly took the invitation and sat down, leaning into the way Dean’s arm wrapped around his shoulders. Now was the time to do any talking they would need to do.

  
“What’s gonna happen when you fall?”

 

He only got a snort as answer. they both already knew and he wasn’t exactly looking forward to it. At least, for the time being, he could just enjoy Cas still being an angel. He let his hand slide from the spot it was sitting chastely on his shoulder, fingers lightly teasing the soft hair that tufted at the nape of his neck. The softness tickled his fingertips and it felt like static was inching its way up his arm the longer he continued.

 

The sensation was two sided, goosebumps covering the back of Castiel’s neck as he gave a soft sigh, eyes sliding shut. The light fuzz on his skin stood on end, a shiver coursing through Castiel’s body. The bond reached to both of them, tendrils tickling their innermost areas, parts of them that begged for each other. Cas felt it like a burning sensation that started in the pit of his stomach. He knew that his Grace could sense his mate so close, touching him just gently enough to tease, teetering on the verge of the destructive need and hunger for their bodies to be connected.

What little had come to find out told him of this. It was the way to start the ‘ritual’. He would never admit it to Dean, not for a long while, if ever, that his body, his Grace, had always called to him like this. Whenever Dean called for him, even if he was in the middle of something, his Grace knew. And it pulled at him. For the most part, he answered those calls. There were times that he thought his heart was going to break and he would lose his sanity when he had to deny both of them in such a way.

 

Tingles worked their way up Dean’s fingers, setting fire to his arm and his body was quickly consumed with a sense of pure desire. He could remember being a horny teenager with the insatiable urge to get off. This was… infinitely more powerful than anything he had ever experienced. He could remember his first time, how he had been so excited but this didn’t even begin to compare. It felt like his body had been hooked up to some Angelic battery and he was generating enough electricity in his body to power a city. He wanted **more**.

 

The touch had started out soft but the hand at the back of Castiel’s neck turned brave, pressing firmly against the warm skin. He allowed Dean’s hand to turn his head, smiling when their gazes met. Flecks of gold danced in green as dark pupils began to expand, a predatory look darkening those eyes that he was entranced in. Just the thought that he had been the cause of something so unreasonably erotic had Castiel’s mouth watering, wondering what other things he could do to Dean. The images that flashed through his mind drew a feral grin across his lips before they crashed into the soft ones just inches away that he **had** to claim as his.

 

The effect was instantaneous. The small shard of Grace inside Dean reached out, tendrils through the bond, latching onto Castiel’s celestial light and pulling at it. The sensation caused the Angel to gasp, lips parting in surprise. Dean decided to take full advantage of it, tongue sweeping across those pale lips, dominating his mouth. It wasn’t until the burning of the Hunter’s lungs forced them apart. Dean saw, for the first time, lust blown pupils creating a tantalizing ring of blue wrought with desire. He was only vaguely aware of the thought that he probably looked no better.

 

For every moment they were only touching through the hand on the back of Castiel’s neck and the fingers bunched up in Dean’s shirt, the bond pulsed between them. With every throb, their minds tried to etch the moment forever into their memories, the way their eyes were wide, the kiss bruised lips. Every bit they could take in, they were more than determined to keep saved for later, for moments when they had more time to explore. Dean wasn’t one for ‘chick flick’ moments of romance but he felt the itch under his skin to just lay Castiel down on a bed and kiss every inch of his skin in worship. But for now, the bond was calling them.

 

Cas had mentioned this to Dean. He could still hear that gruff voice saying something but he couldn’t seem to focus on any of it in his hazed filled mind. It sounded more complicated than what he really cared for and he hadn’t really understood it. Now, however, it was all making sense to him. Their Graces were ‘hungry’ for each other, wanting to spread out beyond their vessels and wrap around each other. He tried to remember the way it was explained to him, how they would become unable to resist the pull and be drawn so physically to each other. Cas had used air quotes when he said they would end up ‘drunk’ on each other. Dean had laughed at that but now he wasn’t so sure that it wasn’t exactly what he was feeling.

 

The lore, all the explanations and analogies, had nothing on reality. None of it did any justice for the way the Grace was searing inside of him. Being that he wasn’t an Angel like Cas, he had no idea what was going to end up happening to him if they didn’t just give into this insatiable urge. He could feel his body fighting it. Through the bond, he could feel Castiel and he could feel the Angel down to his bones, the need to lean forward and press his lips, body, soul, to him cloudy every thought in his mind.

 

_When Castiel laid a hand on you in Hell, he was **lost**_. Oh how right she had been.

 

There was a brief struggle as they rolled off the couch and hit the floor, arms and legs tangled together. Dean gave the manliest yelp he possibly could when Cas accidentally bit down on his lip, hands pressing and pulling. They barely managed to make it to their feet, noses bumping together, pressing against cheeks, into an eye with a grunt from Dean. Their legs were unsteady as their hands refused to stop their exploring. If he didn’t know better, Dean would have thought they were both teenage virgins rather than a grown man who had been a Hunter longer than he could remember and an Angel of the Lord. Their kisses were all teeth, tongue, hands, and no finesse. And they couldn’t get enough of each other.

 

There would be bruises later. They had hit every wall, every corner, every hard surface. Dean was pressed against most, Castiel impatient to rub their hips together. Other times, Cas was leaning, head hitting the wall with a dull thud as teeth led a hot trail across his throat, nipping at the way his adam’s apple bobbed when he swallowed hard. Somehow, shirts had come off in the hallway, the trenchcoat lost behind the couch long ago, pants open and hanging precariously off sharp hips. When Dean was finally pushed to the bed, landing with a huff, they took a second to assess themselves and the situation.

 

A bite mark was turning into a small hickey, the broken blood vessels darkening the skin, Dean’s hair was pulled in every direction, and Castiel… looked like sex incarnate. Emotions played across their faces, hands fumbling to remove the last bits of clothing that was keeping them apart. It wasn’t unusual to see the bare skin of the older Winchester. It wasn’t unusual to find him naked or in compromising positions. It was unusual that the jealousy from all of those situations was absent at the moment. Castiel tried to ignore that thought. It helped that Dean was stripping in front of him, for him, making him groan low in his throat as he got to see everything he had ever hoped for. It was to his great pleasure that the Hunter had lost his pants first, it had allowed him the unbelievably enticing sight of how his body reacted as Castiel began to bare himself.

 

“Cas.” The tone of Dean’s voice caused a pause in Castiel’s movements. The Hunter was looking at him through heavy lidded eyes, chest heaving. He could see the lust and desire in his love’s face but he could also see how his brow was knit together as the look of fear and panic slowly seeped into his eyes.

 

It was the first time he had ever done anything close to this. Sex, for him, was about the relief, about the pleasure and the act of passion. He could count on one hand the number of people he had ever been in love with. Tying sex and love together was messy and dangerous in his mind, which is why he had never bothered before. Now, it seemed, he was at a grave disadvantage.

 

The air around them was changing, the panic making it bitter and thick as Castiel looked down at the man he loved so dearly. The thought had never occurred to him that Dean would not want this because he was still occupying Jimmy Novak. Well, really, at this point, it was all Cas in there but he was still inside of a male vessel. He had always appreciated his vessel, appreciated Jimmy and his willingness. Now, he regretted his decision. He was beginning to regret every decision he had ever made, letting them play through his head as he started to overthink everything. As the thought of him regretting ever falling for Dean, he heard a soft whisper from the bed.

 

“Cas. Look, man. I’ve never… And I’ve definitely never with a guy.” A gulp. “Not with anyone that I’ve really loved, you know.” Words were spilling out of his mouth now. “I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone like I love you, I’m…” _Scared. Terrified._ Images of Cas being disappointed were haunting him behind his eyelids. He was far from pure but this was something he could give the Angel. He could give him his body in a way that no one else had ever had. He closed his eyes, cheeks hot and burning with the embarrassment as he bared himself completely for Castiel. He felt more like a teenage girl losing her virginity than a grown ass man with his lover. It didn’t help that the Angel was looking at him reverently, eyes shining with emotions he was sure no one had ever felt. “ _Cas, please_.”

 

The way that deep voice sounded as it whined with utter humiliation at his confession while laced with need made Castiel’s mind go blank. Especially when it was his name falling from Dean’s lips so sweetly. _I once was lost but now I am found._ He had heard those words in a song somewhere before and he couldn’t explain how true they were now, echoing through his mind as he crawled on the bed. He pressed feather soft kisses along the inside of an ankle, working his way up a muscled calf, tongue dipping along the curves of a knee. By the time he reached Dean’s thighs, they were quivering and he could hear the heavy breathing above him hitch as he traced Enochian symbols against the soft skin and fluffy hair as it grew thicker.

 

He knew Dean would never know the difference but he wrote his love and devotions all the way to the sharp curve of hipbone, leaving a small mark with his teeth before soothing it with his tongue.

 

If it was humanly possible to be a puddle, Dean was it. His entire body had melted into the mattress, hands clenching the comforter beneath him until his knuckles were white and fingers were cramping. There were stars in his eyes, sparks shooting through his nerves. Even if he couldn’t understand anything that was being written into his skin, the Grace inside him hummed pleasantly, as if to say it understood every letter and it loved it.

 

The kisses continued until Castiel’s nose was buried among the curly dark hair surrounding a rather angry looking erection. It was throbbing, bouncing with the pulse of Dean’s heartbeat. The vein that trailed up the underside was thick and it made Cas lick his lips at the idea of pressing his tongue against it. He had never felt this way, didn’t have any experience of any kind, never felt the delicious lure of wanting to feel the weight of something so thick inside his mouth. It was maddening, the different things he suddenly found himself wanting to do to Dean. He couldn’t decide what to do first. He finally settled for simply tasting with small flicks of his tongue over the slit that was beaded with pearly drops of precum.

 

Sensational confusion was the only way to describe it as Dean gasped, arching into the touch. His brain, well, what was really left of it at this point, was trying to scream helplessly at him, some far off thought about how he was supposed to want women, not men, not Castiel. The Grace inside him warmed through his skin, tingling in every sensitive spot on his body, even the parts he didn’t realize could be sensitive. It was fiercely arguing back that no one had ever and could ever make him feel this good. Every swipe of wet heat made the argument die away and he suddenly found his hands tangled in softness. Who knew hair could be so soft, silky, downy? He was gone.

 

Tentative licks turned bold as long fingers tangled into dark, unruly locks. Castiel’s tongue pressed along the vein and massaged gently, hand holding the shaft to allow for all the exploration he could want. The soft moans mixed with the tugs at his hair made the Angel bold enough to wrap his lips firmly around the head, instinctively creating light suction. It was apparently well received as a strangled noise that sounded a little like his name was torn from Dean’s throat.

 

Every sound that bubbled from those luscious lips encouraged Cas to take him inch by inch, pressing the tip into the hollow of his cheek as his teeth gripped around the length of hardness, teasing. The pressure of the bite should have been painful to Dean but the way the teeth were massaging instead of actually digging into the skin was causing pleasure to surge through his body. He let himself drown in the small nibbles until he felt warm moisture gathering in the tufts of hair at the base of his cock. His mind was fuzzy, sure, but nothing could stop him from processing the fact that Castiel was now deep throating him.

 

The moan that came from him, as his back arched off the bed, was so loud, the Angel between his legs could have sworn he felt it vibrate through him.

 

The way Dean was responding to him spurred on an idea that teased at the back of his mind, hands creeping up to press a finger against the trail towards his entrance. When there was no fight from Dean, Cas let himself get bolder, letting his finger press upwards, tracing a circle around the taut, puckered ring of muscle. He felt the shudder that shook Dean’s body and the way his hips thrust up and then back in approval earned a grin around the thick cock pulsing in his throat.

 

Castiel knew enough about human physiology to know he would need some type of lubrication. He thought momentarily about bringing the finger back to his mouth before the idea was abandoned by the knowledge that he was, in fact, an Angel. He had ‘mojo’ as Dean usually put it. Which meant he was completely capable of getting to the lube Sam had begrudgingly packed for them.  He felt the slickness of his fingertip, rubbing it between his thumb and forefinger,  deciding to explore with it. He pressed the very tip in, just to the cuticle of his nail, waiting.

 

There was a gasp from above his head, making him pause in concern. He waited for the thighs around his head to relax again before he continued, working to the second knuckle agonizingly slow before he stopped again.

 

Dean felt the way Cas was being gentle and loving, felt their bond soothing the burn of being stretched out by the single digit. It didn’t make it any less weird that he was allowing his Angel - wait, what the hell, where did **that** come from?- stick his finger in his ass. But all of his discomfort disappeared when he felt something he couldn’t fathom.

 

It was heat and electricity, lightning in a bottle, mixed with icy chills that froze his entire body. It was a hot coil of pleasure twisted in the pit of his stomach, tightening almost painfully. It was the spark, that reminded him of the fireworks of the 4th of July behind his eyelids. It was Castiel’s Grace reaching for his desperately, the two beams of light clinging together in harmony as the Angel’s finger slid further in, pressing insistently into his prostate.

 

Castiel felt the throb of Dean’s cock in his mouth before it was flooded with warm fluid, bittersweet and more delicious than anything he had ever tasted, even with the ability to taste every molecule. He swallowed enthusiastically, refusing to pull away until he was sure he had every drop on his tongue. His finger continued to massage at the spot it had found, coaxing the Hunter for more.

 

By pure luck, he had found the spot. Pure luck and slight misfortune, he realized, as the bond overtook Dean as soon as his orgasm peaked through him, a blinding light consuming him. There was a strangled scream of his name before the piercing veil of light hit him, knocking him back.

 

That was definitely not supposed to happen.

 

Dean collapsed on the bed, body steaming, skin flushed. It didn’t take even a full second for Cas to realized he had brushed his Grace against that of his love’s, overloading him. As he stared, blue eyes wide and pupils narrowing quickly to focus on the body, he noticed that Dean wasn’t breathing.

 

Of course. Cas had killed Dean with a blowjob.

 

_Good things do happen._

_Not in my experience._

 

Damn it.

 

 


	7. Shower Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If Dean was completely honest, with himself at least, death by blowjob was probably his favorite way of dying so far. He wasn’t particularly fond of dying but this, the way Castiel had worshipped his body like a temple, was the best way. And, hell, since he was already dead anyway, why not be honest with himself for once?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay and late posting. I'm apparently a complete dorkface but we already knew that ^_^

**Shower Time**

 

If Dean was completely honest, with himself at least, death by blowjob was probably his favorite way of dying so far. He wasn’t particularly fond of dying but this, the way Castiel had worshipped his body like a temple, was the best way. And, hell, since he was already dead anyway, why not be honest with himself for once?

 

“God, that was amazing. I wanna do more of that.”

 

He heard a sigh that sounded relieved, a hand touching his cheek. _Oh, right. I have to open my eyes._ That made sense. His eyes flittered open, adjusting to the lightning of the bedroom he was in. He could make out the silhouette of Cas as he sat back up, looking at Dean with blue eyes that smoldered, even in the dim light. It sent a tingle through him, making him smile. He couldn’t count how many times he had been looked at like that but he definitely knew this was the first time he felt his body respond accordingly. He enjoyed it, let himself bask in it. He could handle being allowed to have this with Cas.

 

Castiel was smiling as he watched Dean wake up, reaching out when he had spoken. His words made him laugh softly as he relaxed, trying to ignore the panic in his heart that he had almost killed the man he loved. But Dean Winchester was a lot tougher to kill than that.

 

“Not God, baby. Just me, Castiel.”

 

“Cas, I didn’t mean…” Wait. “Did you just make a joke?”

 

They shared a smile, Dean chuckling under his breath. His body felt far more rested than he had ever been and it was doing wonders for the rest of him. He could think clearly, feel the bond flowing between them. It felt like a dream and he never wanted to wake up. He spent his first moments just gazing at Cas, enjoying himself and the view. Of course, the trance was broken when he felt the heat of the bond spark in his core, causing him to crave the touch of his Angel. **His** Angel. That voice should have been told to shut up but at the moment, he found himself agreeing.

 

Cas felt the wave hit him, watching Dean groan in discomfort. They had been apart for several hours. It had been Castiel’s fault for overloading the Hunter with Grace and he had let his love rest while he recovered. Now, he realized, it was a terrible idea to keep them apart for so long. The bond was demanding contact and it was going to end up crippling both of them until they gave in. Dean’s hand shot out, clutching at the blankets, tugging, pulling, begging for Cas.

 

The scramble to tear the blankets and sheets from Dean’s body was frantic, Cas pressing his hands against the bare skin of the Hunter’s stomach. The Angel hadn’t bothered with dressing Dean, it was a miracle alone that he hadn’t killed him, to hell with the clothing. He was thankful now as the heat dispersed at the touch.

 

“Wha…” Dean was breathless, sweating from his body temperature spiking so quickly. Rivulets of perspiration were starting their descent from his flushed face down his neck, pooling in his collarbone. It felt as if he had just broken a fever, body weak and yet somehow better. His head was spinning, he felt like he was floating and everything around him was out of focus. Except Cas, who was sharper than any high definition picture he had ever seen. The only thing that was preventing him from tunnel visioning his way into the bedroom with the Angel was how his body felt too disgusting to allow for such activities.

 

“Not that I’m not all for seeing this through, Cas.  But I really need a shower.”

 

Cas pulled back a full step, realizing with a scrunch of his nose that Dean was rather ripe after spending the majority of the day in bed. He could not bring himself to argue with the Hunter. He could feel the bond making a hum inside of him, his soul whispering naughty thoughts to his Grace as he watched Dean head towards the showers. If it had been another time, he may have regretted how open the showers were and following the Hunter in there. But Sam wasn’t around, they had no one but themselves, and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t going to take full advantage of it.

 

The walk was more of a saunter, Dean’s hips swaying in what Castiel really wanted to consider a tease. He couldn’t differentiate between the desire pooled in the pit of his stomach and the way the bond gave him flashes of images that could only be described as pornographic. The only thing that made sense with everything inside of him was the love he felt radiating off both of them, almost overpowering the steam that was beginning to fill the area they were in.

 

Dean leaned forward, letting the water cascade over his head, down his back. A hand came up and ran through his hair, water spraying the wall in front of him. He lost himself in the warmth, forgetting that Cas was there, watching him with mouth agape. Every muscle relaxed in his shoulders, head slumped forward. The Angel felt the bond ache inside and he moved forward, propelled by the need to touch all that wet skin, to kiss away the droplets, replace them with teeth marks, even just temporarily.

 

There were hands in his hair and he turned, eyes meeting Castiel’s blue gaze before their lips were sliding against each other. A moment passed when Dean’s eyes tried to flicker open under the water, wanting to watch the other man’s face but it was gone as he sank into the kiss easily. He had never been comfortable with being so openly intimate before, not even with Lisa, no matter how hard he had tried. But here, he was trying to keep from rushing it.

 

His hands slid over sharp hips, fingers tracing every dip of muscle along the toned chest, slipping into the dark, dry tresses of hair that defied all laws of physics. Oh, screw it. He told himself mentally as he pulled Castiel’s face under the water with him, never breaking the kiss.

 

They stayed that way for a long time, pressing kisses to lips, noses, foreheads, cheeks, any spot they could reach without parting for too long. Their kisses were slow, sweet, gentle. It sent shivers up Dean’s spine when they finally pulled away, faces flushed and panting. Castiel’s fingers were gently massaging his scalp and he could feel the suds in his hair. When had he grabbed the shampoo and where was he when it happened? He figured he would never know but he wasn’t going to complain about his love paying this close attention to him.

 

With a hand in his hair, it seemed impossible for the pleasure to get any better. And then a hand wrapped warm, slick, long fingers around his semi hard cock and he lost it. A loud moan was forced from his lips as the hand started tantalizingly slow strokes over his quickly hardening length. His knees were weak and he couldn’t open his eyes to see Cas. The thought had him whining under his breath, in the back of his throat, hips thrusting into the hand around him.

 

“Cas.” He was instantly embarrassed by how needy his voice was. He groaned when he felt the fingers tightening around him, strokes losing rhythm and settling for a frantic pace instead. “Cas!” He cried out, head falling back into the waiting palm. The inability to see the Angel in front of him left him feeling helpless as he tried to paint the picture of the scenery around him in his mind.

 

Watching Dean fall apart in his hands, because of him, made Cas desperate for the sight of his love coming for him again. He twisted his hand, using their bond to press his desire into Dean, stroking him roughly now. His other hand was tangled in the short, soaked hair at the nape of his neck, nails gently scratching at his scalp, searching for purchase.

 

“I’ve got you, Dean.”

 

Those words mixed with the way Cas was massaging the tip of his cock with his thumb, while pulling lightly at his hair, set Dean’s body on fire. He went rigid, screaming the Angel’s name, back arching his chest against Cas. He was coming in hot spurts between them, Cas still gripping the head tightly as he stroked him through it.

 

Suddenly, Dean surged forward, kissing the other man like his life depended on it. He felt every piece of Cas, even thought they were only connected through hands and lips. He saw behind his eyelids how bright the Grace inside Cas was, could see the outline of the wings stretched out behind him. It was surreal, reminding him of something straight out of the Matrix. That was the last coherent thought before the felt the bond flood with Grace, light overtaking his body.

 

Grace penetrated Dean from every angle, a million little pinpoints of light shining into him. His own small sliver cried out for more, reaching for Castiel. His heart was pounding in his ears, drowning out the sound of the husky voice crying out his name, the warm rope of the Angel’s release covering them before washing away. He wondered briefly if he had a second orgasm when the bond reacted to Cas between them and he wanted more.

 

The sensations pulsed and ebbed away at least twenty minutes and what felt like multiple orgasms later. The water was cold now, making them shiver as their eyes attempted to focus on each others faces. Castiel’s face was one of worry, checking Dean’s features for any sign that he had exposed too much too soon, yet again. When he was met with only that blissed out look and goofy smile that came from an orgasm, he relaxed.

 

To Dean, every single sense he had was heightened. He could almost still see those wings behind Cas if he crossed his eyes. He heard their heartbeats, he smelled Cas, tasted the Angel’s lips still. It was maddening and amazing all at once. He never wanted it to end. Which, of course, meant it did as they were absently drying each other off in Dean’s bedroom. It was all gentle caresses and soft smiles as they did.

 

“Cas…” He didn’t exactly know how to explain what had happened in the shower and asking about it was going to be rather tricky without a good way to describe it. “What uh… What was that?”

 

Cas hummed softly as he started towards the dressed and closet full of clothes, trying to decide whether it would be worth it or not to get dressed again. His decision was ultimately made for him when Dean pulled him towards the bed, tugging him down to curl against each other. It was rather reminiscent of their time together when Dean had slipped into the bond with Cas. He could almost feel the Hunter’s cheeks flush hot and he reassured his love with a tug of his arm around his waist, pulling Dean closer to him. He wasn’t ignoring the question. He just wasn’t sure how to respond.

 

“Cas?”  
  
“Dean…” He sighed, having hoped that maybe he could stave off the conversation for a moment longer. But he would be damned if he hadn’t fallen in love with the most stubborn man ever to grace the Earth. “What was it like for you?”

 

How could he even being to explain what he had experienced? He couldn’t even wrap his own head around it, let alone try to come up with words to tell Cas what it had felt like. He seriously doubted that any language in the knowledge of man had words to describe it.

 

“Well. I saw you. Your Grace, anyway. And your wings. But my eyes were closed and you were…” He struggled for a minute, face scrunched up. “Light. It was all light.” He felt stupid for having inadequate words for the situation. “You were so majestic and everything was dark except for you. I knew where you were even if you weren’t really there. It was weird.”

 

The baffled look on Dean’s face made him smile. “That was your Grace with the bond, Dean. It’s growing and is now powerful enough to see my Grace. Not my entire form but you can see the Grace that is being housed by this vessel. I truly believe that if we were to be apart, you could still see me.”

 

Dean nodded as he listened, eyes wide with awe. His Grace was growing. And he could see Cas, no matter where he was. All of the information made him shiver with joy, goosebumps crawling up his arms. His blood went cold when he realized… He couldn’t get used to this. They would both be human soon after all of this and they would never be able to have this ever again. That thought almost erased how happy he had been. Almost.

 

Dean could feel Castiel’s breathing even out, felt his own body relax as he was holding the Angel close. He knew that he would be the only one that would need sleep but he fought it as long as he could, unable to let go of the moment. His hands were moving in slow motions over bare skin, fingertips drawing intricate patterns over hip bones he loved so much. Even if it was him holding Cas, he was slowly starting to drift off, sleep calling his name.

 

The first twenty four hours had gone by without a hitch, leaving them both sated and Dean exhausted. As Cas allowed himself to drift off with the Hunter, he wondered about whether or not they would sleep this way when they began their lives together. He felt butterflies flitter in the bond as he sincerely hoped Dean would be this open later, even if Sam was around. It was his last thought as he felt sleep consume his vessel, joining his love for a dream.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was fluffy and the next few aren't a whole lot better. But there's some developments that take place that are rather important so don't blink or you might miss them. Thank you for reading, you guys are awesome <3 <3 <3


	8. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning. Morning After. A situation that Dean had been in countless times before now. The sneak out. His brain was instantly filtering through the rolodex of excuses he had stored away for this moment. Then, as the dark hair his nose was buried in began to tickle, he felt the soothing warmth of both Cas in his arms and the bond inside them. For the first time in his life, he had everything he wanted. And he didn’t want to leave. 
> 
> And that scared the absolute hell out of him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I'm gonna end up sticking to my schedule again. >_> I don't know what happened. But here's another chapter and hopefully it makes up for everything <3 You guys are amazing and I love that you're still reading.

**The Morning After**

 

The next morning. Morning After. A situation that Dean had been in countless times before now. The sneak out. His brain was instantly filtering through the rolodex of excuses he had stored away for this moment. Then, as the dark hair his nose was buried in began to tickle, he felt the soothing warmth of both Cas in his arms and the bond inside them. For the first time in his life, he had everything he wanted. And he didn’t want to leave.

 

And that scared the absolute hell out of him.

 

Movement woke Cas from his restful sleep, eyes blurred as he set into a minor panic. He was not exactly comfortable with sleeping, hated the way that he felt helpless. But the arms around him tightened and he froze. Then he melted into a puddle of happiness against Dean with a sigh and a smile on his face.

 

“You alright there?” Dean asked, voice deep with concerned and sleep.

 

“I’ll just have to get used to this ‘sleep’ thing.” It shouldn’t have surprised Dean when he saw large hands come up and use air quotes. “Soon enough, we’ll be having to do this at least four hours a night.” Cas stretched his body out, groaning softly as he smiled, their bodies pressed closer together.

 

“Well, we have all the time in the world right now. So what do you wanna do now?”

 

Cas thought about it for a moment, pensive look on face, which made Dean laugh when he sat up to look at him. Only the Angel would look so serious when he was stark naked in bed with a Winchester. He pressed kisses along Castiel’s hip as he moved to climb off the bed, body so lax he almost couldn’t stand. He leaned against the bed, remembering how he had fell last night. When he thought about it, concentrating on how Cas had looked, there was a tingle in his shoulder blades, a shiver shuddering through his body.

 

The Angel hadn’t noticed it but he seemed to snap out of his reverie when he heard the way Dean exhaled. He took it as small exasperation while Dean was trying to calm down from the way goosebumps were quickly covering every inch of his exposed skin.

 

“I suppose a movie, or something as you suggested, would not be too terribly bad during this. Perhaps we could try to spread a little Grace during the film, without requiring our intimate coupling.” Cas looked at Dean with a hopeful, if not slightly pouting, face. He actually felt bad about being so willing to be intimate with the Hunter when this whole thing had started. It was a thought at the back of his mind, one that had been forgotten. Dean Winchester was not a ‘chick flick moment’ guy, hated talking about feeling, and was not one to be thrilled at the idea of displays of affection.

 

“What, you wanna hold hands or something?” Dean asked as he looked down at his fingers, a little unsure how he was supposed to use them to share Grace with Castiel. He flexed his fingers a few times before shrugging to himself. Cas was extremely talented in the art of easing their Graces together so he allowed himself to trust his Angel. Just the thought that he could call him that made Dean smile brightly enough to light up the room.

 

The short trip to the couch was rather uneventful, Dean arguing the finer points of Star Wars the entire way. They cuddled on the couch where the attempt to sit apart was too frustrating for their bond. Where Cas was unashamed of their naked bodies, Dean was suddenly shy, grabbing a blanket to cover them. The movie was calming for both of them, fingers rubbing over the warm skin of each other’s arms, Grace sparking between them like small golden jolts of static electricity in the air. It tingled, tickling up their limbs as if the skin had fallen asleep and was just beginning to wake up.

 

That was how the sensation started down to his stomach, tendrils snaking into his groin as the credits rolled on the screen. Green eyes slowly trailed form the arm that was wrapped around his waist, along the smooth skin of Castiel’s shoulder and the expanse of his neck that begged to be bitten, marked. When his gaze finally reached the Angel’s face, he was met with an amused look in those amazingly blue eyes. There was a smile on those rose petal lips that tasted like spun sugar.

 

That tingle in his shoulders was back, making Dean flex his shoulders, rolling them back. There was a weight sitting there but when he pressed back on his shoulder blades, it was gone.

 

Muscles protested as both men stretched out on the couch, the blanket barely covering them now. Dean stood first, arms over his head. Cas caught himself staring, watching the ripples under the taut skin of the Hunter’s stomach, his lips sliding between this teeth, wanting to taste. Whatever the bond was doing to them, Castiel was becoming heavily affected, his arousal slowly turning into an addiction. The only known cure for it was the look on Dean’s face when he was coming down from his orgasm in Castiel’s arms.

 

He decided that moment was as good as any to get some medication.

 

A yelp, that Dean would argue to his grave was in fact a manly grunt, was muffled as Cas had all but launched himself at the unsuspecting man. What started as a playful wrestle turned into a small battle for dominance. Cas was surprised had had won so easily and Dean refused to admit to anyone how good it felt to let the Angel control him.

 

Once his hands were pinning down the Hunter’s wrists to the carpet, Cas sat back with a triumphant grin. The playful look in his eyes was enough to make the man below him melt and give in whole heartedly when the Angel leaned down to press their lips together for a slow, heartfelt kiss. Their bodies moved against each other easily, grinding hips and rubbing thighs into crotches.

 

It wasn’t long until they were both panting, moaning, whimpering against lips and cheeks. They were a mess in a matter of minutes. Cas was the only one with enough self control to pull away, fighting the urge to kiss down the throat that was now exposed to him. He could see the spot where his teeth had latched onto before and his jaw had clenched at the impulse to leave a mark on his love.

 

The scrutiny Dean was under made him squirm, hips shifting uncomfortably against the carpet. The hunger in those blue eyes couldn’t stop the way Castiel’s utter devotion to Dean smoldered in his eyes. It was evident in the way his hands skimmed over his ribs, in the way his tongue traced over every inch of available skin to mark. When his legs fell open to allow the Angel to kneel over him, he could feel it in their bond and in his own soul. The warmth wasn’t overwhelming but it was burning him to the very core.

 

It felt like every nerve ending in Castiel’s body was sparking against his skin. He stared down at the hips that continued to squirm for him, his hands moving on their own accord, thumbs digging into the v shape dip of Dean’s body to hold him still, grip tight. He was trying to let his love know that it was okay, he was right there, he was gonna give him everything he needed. Even if none of those feelings translated, the touch was enough to settle Dean. Until those hands moved down to lift his thighs up, knees starting to push against his stomach.

 

That was when reality hit him like a ton of bricks. And instead of fear shooting through him, it was unbridled anticipation and excitement.

 

Cas watched as Dean only opened further for him, allowing his hands the access they needing to spread the cheeks apart. His fingers had ventured to this point but the sight of that sweet puckered skin made him feel like he had so much still to explore with the Hunter. And he could not wait to spend the rest of their lives together learning each other inside and out. The sudden rush of emotion caused his touches to be gentle, cautious, looking to Dean for approval with every light touch of his fingertip on its journey towards the taut ring of muscle.

 

The first initial press against his entrance caused a hitch in Dean’s already harsh breathing, eyes fluttering shut for a moment. His body was lit up like a Christmas tree, nerves ignited by the touches. His body remembered Cas, knew Cas deeper than anyone else, could recall the way he had felt each time before this. That was how it was reacting now, wanting more than just a memory.

 

It felt like an abuse of power when Cas pushed his finger in, feeling resistance from the tight walls. He hated that the lube was still cool, even after he had rubbed it around on his fingers. Dean was clenched tight around him and he saw the wince of pain on his love’s face. He couldn’t bear the idea that he had been the one to cause the Hunter any discomfort and he started to rub against the muscles, searching while gently stretching.

 

Dean shifted restlessly as his eyes slid shut. The burning stretch was being drowned out by how that single finger was pressing into every inch of him. He arched up, groaning as he strained against the carpet. There was a quiet whine of the Angel’s name before the scream that caused his entire body to go rigid was torn from him.

 

_**There**_. Cas knew it the instant he had felt that squeeze around his finger and the way Dean’s body was bowed against the floor. He worked the spot ruthlessly, kneading the muscle of Dean’s thigh with his free hand. The process was much slower than either of could really handle, far too agonizingly slow but realistically necessary when that sharp burn came back at the addition of a second finger nudging against the quivering ring of muscle.

 

Time stood still for both as the sound of ragged breathing was deafening in the air around them. Cas waited a beat, two, before he even flexed his fingers to press against the walls, trying to ease the pain of the stretch. It was torture. Dean was chasing the sharp jolts of pleasure with every wince of pain while Castiel was forcing himself to be as gentle as possible, even when he was trying to be thorough.

 

It was the gasp of breath and the low keening noise from above that broke his resolve. How could he survive those noises Dean was making because of him? His fingers had a mind of their own at that point, sliding in and out with abandon. He couldn’t count on his two hands how many times he had watched different ‘educational’ videos on this type of act but the all paled in comparison to how erotic the scene before him was.

 

Neither of them had noticed when the third finger had joined the first two, stretching the Hunter impossibly wider. They were lost in each other, Dean’s hands fingers against the carpet, fingers trying to grab at anything to hold on to. Castiel was pressing feather soft kisses to the heated skin of his thighs. And when those fingers pressed into that one spot, it was over quicker than it had begun, with a strangled cry of his name. His full name.

 

_Castiel._

 

Oh, he would never get tired of that.

 

Dean’s muscles gave out, forcing him to drop to the carpet as the puddle of his own juices sat on his stomach. He gave a content sigh, even with the way his body was screaming in discomfort and overuse. He felt like he was made of jello, his foggy mind offering up different types of flavors he could possibly be. His hips were miraculously still, keeping the puddle from dripping down his sides. It was more surprising that his body was still pushed up against Castiel’s hand, fingers refusing to pull back and most definitely refusing to quit their stretching motions as they continued to massage into his spot.

 

Their eyes met, Dean’s still fuzzy and unfocused, Castiel’s dark and swirling with lust. The Hunter could feel the blush rising to his cheeks, highlighting the freckles across the bridge of his nose. It spread to his ears as his eyes rolled back in his head, body over sensitive and happily responding to the way Cas was flooding him with Grace from those fingertips, driving him mad.

 

A subsequent flash of gold through emerald green was not something he had planned on.

 

The sight reminded Cas so much of his family, of the way their eyes would flash with Grace across their vessel. It reminded him of the times he had felt it when he would exude power. When he had played God.

 

Green eyes slowly disappeared as Dean relaxed against the carpet, whimpering. He felt the fingers pull away, leaving him with a hollow emptiness that actually made his heart and whole body ache. His hips attempted to follow but he was held down by strong hands. He bit back the whine that threatened to escape, unwilling to sound as desperate as he felt.

 

Cas watched with a grin, almost pleased with himself at how much pleasure he had given to his love. He helped the Hunter sit up, pulling him to his feet. His arms went around Dean’s waist, holding him close as he pressed kisses to his lips. Together, they stood and, with very little finesse and coordination, they made their way to a bedroom. There was the unspoken agreement through their bond that it didn’t matter what bedroom they ended up in, they just needed to find one. And quickly.

 

Kisses were frantic and short, broken apart by the annoying issue of walking. Dean shut the door behind there, for no other reason than to allow Cas to pin him against it. His blush had dissipated during their stumbling adventure but it was back in full force when he watched the Angel sink to his knees, staring reverently up at him. It shouldn’t have caused him to grow even harder than he was before, considering his limbs were still weak from his orgasm only a few minutes before.

 

That wet heat enveloped his erection and his eyes rolled to the back of his head. Those teeth and that tongue that had no business feeling that amazing for being so inexperienced. Everything was spinning as he fisted his hands into messy black hair, tugging at first to force himself deep into Castiel’s sweet mouth and then to push Cas away at the same time. It was too soon for him to have a second orgasm when they hadn’t even made it to the bed yet. Especially when his Angel hadn’t even been inside him.

 

“Cas. Cas, wait.” Dean groaned, hating himself more than ever for making him stop. “Cas, man, come on. We gotta stop.”

 

Damn those blue eyes. Damn them and the things they were doing to his insides as he saw concern and rejection flash across those beautiful features.

 

“Dean.” Castiel’s brow furrowed, sitting back on his heels. “Did I hurt you?”

 

Watching those lips form words felt like Cas had a direct line to his cock. It was completely unfair.

 

“No, baby. No.” His hand cupped Castiel’s cheeks, body warming with affection. “No. But this time, can we make it to the bed?” He chuckled with a light smile as he pushed his length against the Angel’s cheek. “Don’t get me wrong, you are amazing. I just wanna feel you inside me when I…” He gestured down to where Cas was pressing kisses against his shaft.

 

He didn’t expect Cas to push him towards the bed so violently. He wasn’t even sure how to feel about that feral look in the Angel’s eyes. But their bodies spoke the volumes between them with the pull and push of the bond.

 

Cas closed the distance between them as he crossed the room quickly and kneeled on the edge of the bed. He loved how shy Dean was when he tinged bright pink over his entire body. It was endearing when his eyes slid shut as he spread his legs, obviously embarrassed at the act of submission. The Angel was not going to let his love wallow in those feelings, hands touching everywhere he could reach.

 

“I can’t believe I get to have you like this.”

 

Dean’s eyes were slowly fluttering open again, confusion written across his face. He looked up at Cas, eyes swimming with emotions. No one had ever considered him as something to be loved, cherished. Yet, here he was, revelling in the Hunter. It was that look that blossomed love in his chest, overpowering every fear he could ever remember. If he had been able to string together a full coherent thought, it probably would have been the realization that Castiel’s words were what broke down his walls. He arched his back off the bed, eyes locked onto those blue orbs he wanted to drown in.

 

“Cas. I want you. Please, baby.”

 

For having gone so slowly before, Dean was surprised when the Angel wasted no time pressing their bodies together, hips grinding down. There were hands pinning his wrists above his head again, fingers digging into skin and leaving him to wonder about bruises later. His feet were resting easily on the bed, his knees falling open. He was flexible enough to allow his knees to draw up almost to his chest, back of his thighs resting against the sharp hipbones of the Angel looking at him as if he were something delicious to devour.

 

Lips were leaving a blazing trail along his collarbone as he felt his body being shifted on the bed, a squeak coming from his mouth when the tip of Castiel’s cock pressed against his still slick hole. In what was probably the girliest thing Dean would ever do in his lifetime, he pushed his feet into the mattress, arching his hips up for Cas in a wanton display of his body. His eyes were staring into unbelievably cobalt blue eyes, giving just enough of a nod that he actually saw something inside the Angel break. Pupils eclipsed the color and he was pushing into Dean without even a shaky breath between them.

 

The burn of the stretch should have been unspeakably painful and, deep down, Dean could feel it. But it was being drowned out by the feeling of being full. The feeling of being complete, whole, like a puzzle with the missing piece fitting snugly where it was meant to be. His brain was flailing around inside his head, screaming that he had absolutely no idea what he was doing, he had never done this before. His body seemed to be able to take over, hands reaching behind his head to find anything solid to hold onto as he pushed up against Cas, wanting to take him deeper.

 

Everything that should have been slow, sweet, gentle, was tarnished by throaty growls and pornographic moans as strong hands pulled knees up, pressing them back against the Hunter’s chest. Feet rested against Castiel’s waist, bowlegs wide as calculated thrusts lost their rhythm. The angle was perfect as spot and stars cluttered Dean’s already blurred vision. He was being torn apart by those amazing hands holding onto his ankles, keeping him spread out. He was spiraling out of control in an endless torment of pleasure until the moment that he actually swore he could see Heaven. And with every thrust, Castiel was pounding into that one spot like their lives depended on it.

 

Dean would later forget to ask if one of the side effects of being brushed with Grace at the height of his orgasm was what had allowed him the beautiful momentary flash of wings silhouetted behind Castiel’s arched shoulders. He knew he was screaming, could feel his throat straining. There was no sound, his eyes heard nothing and his eyes saw only the Angel above him and those wings that seemed to fill the room. He wasn’t even aware of how he was splattering their chests with his release. He didn’t even notice how his orgasm was powerful enough to leave him shaking.

 

The only thing he was consciously aware of happening was the flutter of jet black, ink colored wings stretching across the room and the way Castiel’s thick cock was pulsing with every spurt of hot cum inside his body. Combine those with the emotions flooding Dean and the way the Angel was washing his soul in Grace, the Hunter was lost. And he never wanted to come back.

 

 


	9. Image of the Invisible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Like what you see back there?”
> 
> For years to come, he would never be able to explain why he had said those words. He would be hard pressed to even try to describe the carnal noise that was ripped from Castiel’s throat when he said them. If those pupils hadn’t been dilated enough to eclipse blue before, they definitely were now as he crawled on the bed towards Dean. In an act so unnatural to the Righteous Man, he bowed his head onto the pillow in submission. And raised his hips, presenting himself like a bitch to be mounted.
> 
> The first touch was light, hesitant, Cas almost scared that he would spook the man below him if he pressed too hard. The fingers moved more assuredly when Dean purred his appreciation at the touches. Then there were lips along his cheeks as another squeeze of his muscles caused more fluid to slide from him. He could feel the gentle touch of a single digit tracing his hole as a groan from Cas vibrated through his body.
> 
> He had never felt as smug as he did when he felt that finger finally slid in easily and Cas murmured “Sweet Heavenly Father” against his skin. Dean Winchester was making an Angel take the Lord’s name in vain.

Image of the Invisible

 

If there was a better way to wake up from sex, it was this. He was sprawled out, flat on his stomach, face buried against the warm flank of an Angel, arm thrown across a broad chest. His body was sore in all the best ways and in every spot that hummed happily at the strain of his stretching. His mind was clear, there was no stress in his muscles. If he could wake up that way for the rest of his life, no matter how miserable, he thinks it would be worth it all.

 

Angels weren’t supposed to need sleep, Dean mused as he watched Castiel’s peaceful face. He listened to the sounds around him, his heart beat a dull echo in the ear press against the pillow. He wanted to believe it was Castiel’s heartbeat, soft and comforting. Something in the pit of his stomach churned when he thought of not having the warmth of his love next to him. There was a nagging reminder that he would never have to worry about that again after all of this. But he let the panic consume him and ignored it, lost in despair for absolutely no reason. The fear was only powerful due to his unwavering need of the Angel, of his love, affection and attention.

 

It was the sound of his name coming from a scratchy throat that brought him back to reality. Green eyes turned up, glowing in the soft light of the lamp next to the bed. “Cas?”

 

“Dean.” It was a soft, breathy sigh of his name. “Dean, I can feel you. What’s wrong?” 

 

He was cursing the stupid bond silently as he sat up, one hand rubbing at his eyes, the other pressing firmly against Castiel’s chest. He thought vaguely of his own anti possession tattoo as he traced a finger over the skin where he could actually imagine the ink. They would need to talk to the same Hunter that had done Dean’s handprint, would need to talk to Cas about it now that he was on his way to becoming… Human. The thought made him smile.

 

“I’m really happy. Can you believe that? Happy.” Dean laughed softly. “I don’t want it to end.” He looked into clear blue eyes with a longing gaze, slowly losing himself there. “I’m scared that something’s gonna happen and take it all away from us.”

 

“What makes you think anything will happen to us?” His voice sounded so similar to when they had met in that barn. It caused him to look down, his brow furrowing. He couldn’t even come up with an answer, all possibilities seeming far fetched.

 

The silence was enough to make the Angel drop the subject, thankfully. He decided to sit up, legs hanging from the side of the bed as he basked in the warmth of the room and their bed. Theirs. He absolutely beamed at the word. He only hoped it was a mutual feeling for the Hunter.

 

Dean groaned when Cas moved from the bed, burying his face in the pillow. Sure, he wasn’t one to oversleep but how in the hell was he expected to get up after last night? He could feel the eyes burning a hole into his back, his bones smouldering beneath his skin. Even if Cas couldn’t see it, he rolled his eyes in exasperating as he pushed himself up on all fours, his knees cradled under him.

 

There was a moment where time stood still. Dean felt it first, the long drip of slickness slowly leaking onto his thigh. It was the hitch in his breathing that had alerted Castiel. The sight was almost unbearable as he watched that pucker hole clench at the feeling. And when Dean turned his head to look at his Angel, it was almost comical the way the Angel’s jaw was hanging open. The blush on Dean’s cheeks was inevitable. The words out of his mouth, though, shocked him.

 

“Like what you see back there?” 

 

For years to come, he would never be able to explain why he had said those words. He would be hard pressed to even try to describe the carnal noise that was ripped from Castiel’s throat when he said them. If those pupils hadn’t been dilated enough to eclipse blue before, they definitely were now as he crawled on the bed towards Dean. In an act so unnatural to the Righteous Man, he bowed his head onto the pillow in submission. And raised his hips, presenting himself like a bitch to be mounted. 

 

The first touch was light, hesitant, Cas almost scared that he would spook the man below him if he pressed too hard. The fingers moved more assuredly when Dean purred his appreciation at the touches. Then there were lips along his cheeks as another squeeze of his muscles caused more fluid to slide from him. He could feel the gentle touch of a single digit tracing his hole as a groan from Cas vibrated through his body.

 

He had never felt as smug as he did when he felt that finger finally slid in easily and Cas murmured “Sweet Heavenly Father” against his skin. Dean Winchester was making an Angel take the Lord’s name in vain. 

 

Every thought process, especially that one, was quickly erased, finger moving down to collect the trail of cum from his thighs before pushing back into him with no resistance. His mouth fell open in a silent moan, eyes rolling to the back of his head. Just that thought that Castiel, his Angel, was pushing his seed back inside of him, trying to keep it inside Dean, marking him, set his blood on fire. Without warning and almost unknowingly, he began to bounce back against the finger, fucking himself on it. 

 

“Dean.”

 

Castiel couldn’t believe his eyes. This was the epitome of a man, gruff, hardened, unwilling to have emotions and fiercely protective of his family. And he, a simple Angel, had this man reduced to a mewling, sex crazed, magnificent creature. It was that reason alone that he allowed a second finger to join the first easily, his free hand coming up to rest in the dip of his lower back to stead Dean’s thrusts. 

 

They were lost in each other, Castiel whispering encouragement in the form of kisses peppered along the base of the spine that was bowed as those legs were shaking to keep their weight up along with the movement of the hips. It wasn’t long before he found Dean’s prostate, pressing into it with determination to break the Hunter down. Two fingers became three and that spot was quickly becoming abused and tortured. There was no time being wasted by Cas to turn his love into a puddle of moans and orgasms. 

 

Along with the spikes of pleasure there was a stab of heat in Dean’s shoulders, burning beneath his skin. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to push the pain to the back of his mind, focusing on the way the fingers were no longer sliding out, choosing instead to massage the walls spasming around them. If he concentrated hard enough, he could almost see Castiel’s thumb rubbing over and flicking against his rim. 

 

It’s the way that his muscles burned as the fingers spread out enough to allow that thumb to coax a few drops of fluid from him. It’s how Cas made this ungodly noise in his throat at the sight of Dean open for him. It’s that noise going straight through the Hunter, tearing the orgasm from him like his soul was being ripped from his body. 

 

His shoulders slumped forward, arms giving out as he panted, riding high on the pulses of his body as Cas milked him of every drop he had. The feeling of his shoulders being on fire was far more intense now that he was somewhat sated for the moment. When he tried to forced it down now, it was only growing hotter. He allowed the analogy in his head that the pain felt like his tattoo, only instead of digging into the skin, it was clawing its way out. 

 

The way Dean’s skin was flushed didn’t seem unusual to Cas at first. But his body temperature was rising, the sheen of sweat was now rivulets of water on his back. His body was arched, shoulders blades jutting out hard against his skin. They were a fiery red, skin looking like something was burning through. His hand came up to touch gently at the angry lines that threatened to tear open if Dean moved in any way. 

 

Castiel’s fingers were like ice on his skin. The whole world was quieter when the Angel was touching him. It was a mutual wonder, everything else out of focus when his hands were pressed full pam to Dean’s heated skin.l Everything made sense in that moment of clarity. And it was all lost as soon as he pulled his hands away. 

 

“Dean.” Cas sounded about as wrecked as he felt. “Dean. I need to be inside you, please.”

 

Even though he was still coming down from his orgasm, nothing about was Castiel was suggesting sounded like a bad idea. 

 

“Yes, Cas. Please. I want it. I need it. I need you.” There was desperation in his voice as he pleaded. And he didn’t care. He wanted Cas to know it. He needed Cas to know how badly he wanted this, how his body needed him. He almost didn’t care who heard him or who knew it at that moment. 

 

Being as careful as possible, Cas slid his hands from sharp shoulder blades down to grip at Dean’s hips, lining himself up. He paid no mind to the thumbprint shaped dark spots that were left along his spine. At a glance, they blended in with the freckles that covered Dean’s skin. Even after looking at them for a second longer, they only seemed to be just light colored moles.

 

The slick muscles were still tight around Cas. He was opening up beautifully, all the give in the world as the Angel bottomed out in one solid thrust. Even with all of that, he was still deliciously tight and it made Cas growl in his throat. He was barely able to keep himself from losing control, trying not to, in every sense of the phrase, fuck Dean through the headboard. He chose to grind into his love instead, pushing into his prostate insistently. He tried not to enjoy the way his Hunter gave a startled moan at the feeling. 

 

Dean’s skin was starting to glow, light piercing through. It looked like molten lava was trying to push through his shoulders. Towards the spine, Cas could see those thumbprint moles growing darker, the skin sinking in. He clenched his eyes shut, hips never ceasing, trying to tell himself he was imagining it. It looked too much like oil glands and too close like Dean was manifesting his wings in the physical plane of existence. And Cas knew better than to think it possible. 

 

But the thought. The idea that he could bury his fingers in lush feathers the likes he had seen in his subconscious. It had him slamming his hips into the Hunter, bringing him to the edge of climax faster than anything he had ever experienced before. His own wings were shuddering with pleasure, spreading out behind him, teetering on the brink of reality. They shone in glints of light, a nebula of colors. In a foreign act, a touch his body had never known outside of explanations, he pressed his hands back to those scorching lines and dug his thumbs into what he let himself pretend were leaking oil glands.

 

The reaction was breathtaking. Dean’s head shot back, every muscle in his back pulled taut, body radiating heat and glowing with the Grace he was being washed in. The walls he was enveloped in grew unbearably tight and he lost all sense of anything around him. He buried himself in the man he loved, trying to get deeper when he felt his orgasm slam into him unexpectedly. He could barely recognize their voices as they screamed out for each other. 

 

Everything settled down after what felt closer to an eternity than the better part of an hour it actually was. The room almost felt off kilter from the power they had exuded together but nothing had been moved. Cas was blinking slowly, catching his breath as he listened to Dean’s ragged noises below him. He was concerned for the Hunter’s well being for only a second, until he heard the softest chuckle coming from him. He found himself smiling involuntarily as he slipped from the warm body, groaning when the muscles tried to keep him from escaping. 

 

“That was…” He had existed for over two thousand years. He had seen the beginning and had prevented the end. And in all of the in between, there was nothing like what has just happened. There was no way of explaining it.

 

“Yeah.” Dean was laughing softly as he sprawled out on the bed, body exhausted and unwilling to move. “It’s like… every time we do this, it’s even better than before.” A hand came up to rub over his face as he tried to comprehend words. “It’s almost like every time is the best one.” He didn’t even know what to make of that, considering his history. But with Castiel, everything was better than anything he had ever done before.

 

He didn’t have to think about it too long, Cas was pulling him down to curl into each other. It was nearly impossible not to succumb to the warmth and comfort of the Angel’s embrace. The pain was gone now, his body tingled from the Grace that was ebbing away with hi sorgasm. His hands came up to rub over where he was being held, lacing their fingers together as he whispered words he had never expected to feel so deeply. “I love you, Castiel.” 

 

There was a long silence before Cas sighed, squeezing Dean closer to his body, eyes clenched shut at the onslaught of emotions. “I love you, Dean Winchester.” His Father had been so right when he created humans. This single human was worth all of Heaven to him and he would do everything in his power to prove it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was quite short, I do apologize. And I'm so so sorry that this is a week late. Real life hit me like a ton of bricks. Work and home and everything in between all came down on me like a spider monkey hopped up on Mountain Dew and I did not handle it all too well. Well enough to pop out a new ficlet but not well enough to keep my head on straight. Hopefully it won't end up like that again. Thank you guys so much for reading, for your support and for just being you cause you're awesome as all hell. <3 And special thanks to my sweet sweet beta, [Meg](http://casneedsdean.co.vu/) for being the best person in the whole world.


	10. Wings of An Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flicker of the lights went off and Cas had to blink to reassure himself it had actually happened. Then it happened a second time. And as the black of the room was swallowing them, he saw the most miraculous thing. It was shimmering and iridescent, an unknown light source causing a thousand different colors to ebb and flow. When the lights flashed back on, they were more beautiful than Castiel had ever imagined.
> 
> Dean’s wings were every shade of green he had ever known to exist and some he hadn’t. The tips were blue, like they had been dipped in the color. The top feathers along the bone were threaded with gold. They were spread out behind him, almost touching the walls with the way they spanned the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is technically very very unbeta'd. I did a couple of run throughs of re reading before posting so hopefully that helped out quite a bit... I just didn't wanna miss yet another deadline. ARGH -throws chapter at you- ENJOY!

** Wings of An Angel **

 

Even with their days filled with intimate touches and blissed out cuddling, it felt like domesticated perfection. Not even the year with Lisa had felt as amazing as this. Dean felt comfortable as he finished making breakfast for them, he didn’t have any regrets and it was only right that he pressed a sweet kiss to Castiel's lips before he sat down across from him. It was everything he had imagined life should be if he hadn’t been a hunter. 

 

Conversation between them came so easily, soft smiles and light laughs as the morning slowly went on. Dean told Castiel about the different schools he had gone to, talking about how proud of Sam he had been. When the subject of his mother came up, they had been on the couch, curled into a ball together under a blanket. It wasn’t all that cold in the Bunker but everything just felt better when they were pressed against each other this way. And when the tears began to flow freely, the Angel held him close, pressing soft kisses over wet cheeks and whispering sweet nothings to soothe him. 

 

It was the epitome of chick flick and Dean couldn’t have cared less. 

 

As Dean pattered around the kitchen, sparing nothing for homemade burgers for Cas, there was a soft glow to his features. He watched the Hunter, a flush of pride and love hitting him. He smiled to himself, turning his attention to the book he had picked up, when he saw it. A light out of the corner of his eye, the shimmer of something otherworldly. He knew that color, the glint of green that was lined with gold, he remembered it from how it had looked in the sunlight. He would never forget the beauty of Dean’s wings. 

 

But, as he turned around to look at the Hunter, there was nothing there. The glow seemed to illuminate the space around him but Castiel couldn’t sense wings, least of all see them. He shook his head, blinking a few times before turning his attention back to his book, brushing it off. 

 

After watching Cas almost snap his neck with the way he kept turning to look at him, Dean finally spoke up. His hands slammed onto the counter before turning to glare at the Angel. “For fuck’s sake, Cas, what?”

 

The room grew dimmer, almost imperceptibly, Dean’s outline a beautiful gold that faded as fast as it had come. His features seemed sharper now, eyes blazing. It felt as if he was staring straight through him. The soul inside of Cas was straining against his vessel to kneel for Dean, to swear his love for him. And the Grace held him still as he felt his body give in to the need to submit.

 

“Dean.”

 

They had done so good that day, needing only chaste kisses and gentle touches while they talked about things they had never shared with anyone else. There had been light petting in bed before hunger won out and they had ventured for breakfast. The short make out session on the couch had satisfied them long enough to watch a full movie uninterrupted. 

 

All of that was gone now as Dean exuded dominance and Castiel, celestial being more powerful than any human could begin to imagine, was ready to bow to him. Their gazes met, heated between them, and it was almost uncharacteristic when they sprinted towards the bedroom. Almost, seeing as they didn’t touch in the hall but were glued to each other as soon as the door to their room was shut. 

 

“Why did we get dressed? That was a terrible idea.” Dean growled as he pawed at Castiel’s sides through one of his favorite shirts. He remembered how he had pretended to be nonchalant about his love pulling on one of his shirts when it had fed a deep urge to mark the Angel in all ways possible. Watching Cas discard that same shirt now, baring himself to the Hunter, was almost better.

 

“We’ll discuss that later. Just shut up and get naked. Now!” Castiel’s voice was desperate as he tugged at the sweatpants that was keeping him from his prize. Dean.

 

Clothes were quickly tossed aside, landing in places they would later forget. Dean had pushed the Angel onto the bed, watching him with dark eyes as he crawled towards him, feral grin causing desire to burn hot in his belly. He chose to lie back against the pillows, watching Dean with a grin. His arms went behind his head, pressing his palms against the headboard, putting himself on display, stretched out for the Hunter. 

 

Taking the invitation, Dean was straddling tantalizing hips in a matter of seconds. He rubbed their erections together, hissing Castiel’s name, hands holding down his love, pinning him to the bed. He held his wrists tight as he set an agonizingly slow grind into his Angel’s hips. It pleased him to no end that he was in control of a being more powerful than he could ever hope to become. And he was only able to do it because Cas trusted him. Cas loved him. And Dean loved Cas more than anything.

 

“You’re mine.” Dean said softly, voice wrecked with emotions. “And I’m yours.”

 

Blue eyes fluttered shut while he groaned at the words. He rolled his hips up, silently begging. “Yes. I’m yours. Take everything you want, my love. Take it all. I belong to you.” 

 

He filled with pride, bristling with it as he let it sink in that he was the cause of his love to fall apart this way. His hands kneaded at the muscles in Castiel’s chest. He paused to look at the Angel with his head tilted in wonder. Later, he would need to ask Cas about his thoughts on getting his anti possession tattoo like Dean. Later, when they weren’t about to make like bunnies. Very much later.

 

There was no hesitation but they didn’t rush either. Dean was deliberate with his touches, hands firmly planted on Castiel’s sweat sheened chest as he pressed back onto his erection. He let the Angel hold his hips tight enough to leave more finger shaped bruises. His sense of time was long forgotten when they were together, leaving him wondering how long they stayed that way before he couldn’t stand it any longer. 

 

Cas fumbled with the lube, pausing long enough to let Dean bite at his collarbone before pressing two slick fingers against his love’s abused hole. He felt a flutter in his stomach, something that vaguely resembled regret for how rough they had been the past few days. But, as Dean’s body opened for him and he heard the breathy moan from above, he let that feeling die away. If Dean was happy, he would do anything for him. 

 

Dean was humping Castiel’s hand, mewling as he tried to give the Angel a kiss. He was growing more desperate with each brush of fingertips against his prostate and he finally gave a choked moan of Castiel’s full name as he felt himself almost tumbled over the edge, his orgasm tingling in his veins. “Nnnngh, Cas. Cas, babe, stop. Please, stop, I can’t!”

 

If not for the absolute desperation in that voice that was so wrecked, he might have believed that Dean wanted him to actually stop. As it was, those words only made him growl and pump harder into the willing body in his lap. “I want you to come, baby. I need to see you come for me. Dean, I need you.”

 

Dean tossed his head back, biting his lip as he willed himself to hold on. “Cas, no. Cas, no, please! Not like this. I need to come on you. Oh god, oh…” He could feel the tears hot on his cheeks, unable to contain anything he was feeling at the moment. He was being overwhelmed with pleasure and emotion, leaving him weak.

 

The onslaught ceased instantly. Dean stared down at Castiel, barely able to comprehend what he was seeing but he could feel the sincerity in the gaze. There was a soft sigh as the Angel very carefully shifted so the tip of his aching cock was pressed against the slick ring of muscles he wanted to bury himself in. The rough drag of those fingers pulling out was quickly followed by something so much more fulfilling pushing in. 

 

A look passed between them as they whispered softly to each other words they had long to hear for so long. “I love you, Castiel.”

 

“Oh, Dean. And I love you. Always.” 

 

Dean sat back, sinking onto Cas easily, moaning his appreciation of finally having what he needed. Once he was fully seated, he closed his eyes, back arching to get the angle just right. He hissed when he felt the spark of his prostate being pressed against, keeping the pressure there as he ground his hips down hard. 

 

A flicker of the lights went off and Cas had to blink to reassure himself it had actually happened. Then it happened a second time. And as the black of the room was swallowing them, he saw the most miraculous thing. It was shimmering and iridescent, an unknown light source causing a thousand different colors to ebb and flow. When the lights flashed back on, they were more beautiful than Castiel had ever imagined. 

 

Dean’s wings were every shade of green he had ever known to exist and some he hadn’t. The tips were blue, like they had been dipped in the color. The top feathers along the bone were threaded with gold. They were spread out behind him, almost touching the walls with the way they spanned the room. Just the sight of them caused Castiel to thrust his hips up roughly, fucking into Dean with abandon. 

 

Lost in a sensory overload, the Hunter went lax in Castiel’s arms. He cried out, voice hoarse, eyes clenched shut. It didn’t last long, three rough thrusts as deep as he could and he was screaming his love’s name as he painted their stomachs with his orgasm. Castiel followed as soon as those muscles around him clenched, milking every drop from him. 

 

The wings fluttered before drooping around the sides of the bed as Dean relaxed. Vibrant colors continued to shine in the light as Cas came back to himself. The opacity of them began to fade, the Angel straining to see them before they were only visible again in his peripheral vision. He struggled with the inner turmoil he was experiencing now. He didn’t want to believe he had imagined the way those feathers had shuddered from their pleasure. It had been real. It had to have been. There was no way around it.

 

He was quiet in his revelation and contemplation long enough for Dean to recover and being the cleanup process. He didn’t even notice when the Hunter just stared at him for a few minutes before snapping. 

 

“Cas!”

 

“Dean?”

 

There was a hand on his cheek, guiding his face until their noses touched. His eyes finally focused on green, the shade that remind him of Heaven more than anything he had ever seen on Earth. The emotions he saw there and the ones that surged inside of him to match grounded him, allowing him to come back to the moment. 

 

“Dean. You’re so beautiful.”

 

The subsequent look of puzzlement that crossed Dean’s face wasn’t exactly comforting but he knew by the shy blush that crept across his freckles that he was pleased at the compliment. 

 

“Cas.” His name sounded so good in that deep voice. It was hoarse from the use during sex and shy from the intimate moment they were sharing. It brought a smile to Castiel’s face as he pulled the Hunter down for a kiss.

 

A long moment of contemplation passed for Castiel. He would need to eventually tell Dean about the wings he had seen., He was probably going to have to include the flash of Grace in his eyes, as well. The idea of getting his hopes up about having angelic powers, even for the short period of time they would have, made Cas nervous. He would rather dwell on that thought then think about how he was going to end up explaining the situation to his brothers. 

 

_ Cas. _

 

The voice in his head wasn’t unfamiliar but the tone behind it had him worried. Sam wouldn’t be praying to him like this without a reason. And whatever reason it was, it had the young moose sounding rather distraught. He made sure Dean was curled around a pillow, kissing him softly before he pressed two fingers to his forehead. When he felt his love’s body grow heavy with sleep, he sighed to himself. Of all the times that Dean had probably done things like this, he couldn’t imagine leaving the Hunter behind while he went to take care of business. But he couldn’t risk his safety, not now that he finally had him. 

 

He stared from the doorway, shrugging his trenchcoat on, watching his love with a sadness that ate at his heart. He hated leaving Dean before but now, with their bond and their love, he could feel tears welling up in his eyes as he turned to leave, door shutting silently behind him. 

 

When he found himself in the motel room, staring down Gabriel, those tears burned from his cheeks as his body heated with pure rage. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was a tad bit short. But we're getting closer to figuring out just what in the hell is going on with Dean and what it's all gonna mean. Thank you for reading and I love you guys! <3


	11. More than Heaven and Earth

** More than Heaven and Earth **

 

“Gabriel.”

 

“Castiel! Baby brother! My favorite Columbo cosplayer, how have you been?” 

 

The last time Castiel had seen Gabriel hadn’t exactly gone that well. He could still feel every ounce of pent up rage in his stomach as his memories played back to him like a movie. The different ways he had tortured the Winchesters, the way he had tried to get rid of him, how he had been dead set on the Apocalypse. The only thing he felt at the moment was mistrust for his so called ‘brother’. 

 

“Gabriel, I would advise that you leave the Winchester brothers alone this time. I don’t care that you’re… you. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you from them. Even if that means one of us has to die.”

 

Standing near the wall of this small motel room, Sam could see the difference in Cas now. Could see how the bond with Dean was actually affecting him more than just what he had suspected was going to be a physical relationship like a lot of Dean’s other attempts at ‘love’. As he looked at his friend now, he could almost see the power radiating off his vessel, barely held back by a man that would do anything to protect his family. It reminded him so much of his brother that he knew it was Dean’s soul causing Cas to become so strong. 

 

“Cassie, you’ve got me all wrong! I’m here to help.” Gabe held his hands up, trying to diffuse the situation with a bit of humor. It was no secret that while the Archangel had fled Heaven, he loved his brother no matter what. He had a funny way of showing it, but he loved Castiel the most. Their Father had big plans for him and Dean Winchester. And he was the one who had been called in for help. 

 

“Like you helped us with the Apocalypse?”

 

They both had forgotten about Sam.

 

Gabriel was exasperated by the young Hunter. They had been having the same roundabout argument for the past few hours and anything he had tried to explain was obviously lost on Sam. It had to be the hair stopping all the logic from sinking in, he had decided half an hour in.

 

“If you had been listening, Sam Winchester, you would know by now that I’m trying to help your brother. And mine!”

 

“Just how do you plan on doing that this time, Gabriel?” Castiel’s voice seethed with anger, wishing nothing more than to grab Sam, etch more Enochian sigils into him and disappear. He knew the escape attempt would never work with Gabe, he was too powerful. It didn’t stop him from swaying on his feet, waiting for the right moment to make a move. 

 

Gabriel, golden whiskey eyes tired as he looked at his brother, pleading with him silently. “Just hear me out, would you? Dad sent me.” 

 

When they had been growing up, Castiel remembered how it had always been Gabriel watching over him. It was Gabe who had told him the big plans for that fish. When Michael and Lucifer had fought, when their Father had asked that they love the humans more, it had been Gabriel who was with Castiel, teaching him. He had looked up to his older brother and had been extremely devastated by the events of Gabe leaving Heaven. It had been even worse to find out that the only one he thought he would ever trust was who was trying to force the Winchesters into the Apocalypse.  

 

Now, even though he had loved Gabriel more than the rest of his family, even more than his Father, these brothers were his family now. He had died for them and would die for them again to keep them safe. In the words of his love, to hell with them. And to hell with Gabriel. 

 

“Dad?  _ Dad _ ? You really expect me to believe that you talk to our Father who no longer art in Heaven?” Castiel seethed, words dripping like venom from his lips. His laugh was cynical and cold. “Brother, I may be in love with a Winchester, but I am  ** not ** stupid.”

 

Gabriel’s face fell, the low blows from Castiel cutting him deep. He could still remember the time when Cas would listen to his every word, hang on them like he was the greatest thing. He never thought it could come to this, to Castiel hating him. 

 

“Cas. I would never… You’re not stupid. But Dad did send me. He knows what you and Dean have been doing. He knows about the bond. He-”

 

In hindsight, Sam would probably have left well enough alone had he let the Archangel finish his sentence. But the way those words sounded more threatening than friendly was more than the moose could handle.

 

“God has been watching my brother? Last time, we tried to find him for some help, he couldn’t be bothered to care. Now, when Dean finally gets something he’s willing to let himself have, that he can be happy with, and God suddenly takes an interest?” Sam turned to Cas with wild eyes full of fear. “You guys need to run.”

 

Before anyone could take a breath, the decision was made. Within the space of a blink of the eyes, Cas and Sam were gone. Gabriel blinked a few times to process the scene before him, swearing loudly into the empty motel room before he took chase. 

 

They landed in a warehouse, mountains of boxes around them. Sam looked rumbled as he tried to stand on shaky legs, Cas looking around cautiously. They hadn’t been followed yet, which gave Castiel all the time he needed. 

 

“Sam, I’m going to reinforce the sigils on your ribs. They should help shield you fairly well from Gabriel.” His hand shot out quickly, scoring into the tall man with a flash of light. He looked at his… well, his brother, with sad eyes. “I have to go to Dean. I’m sorry about this. We’ll find you, I swear.” With those words hanging in the air and a flutter of wings, he was gone.

 

The only consolation was at least he had his stuff in a matter of a few blinks and Castiel’s wings beating. He didn’t waste another second before he was gone into the night. It was a lucky thing he was used to this. Unfortunate but lucky.

 

-

 

Dean was still sound asleep when Cas opened the bedroom door quietly. He hesitated waking his love, hating himself for disturbing the peaceful slumber he knew the Hunter needed. But with the threat of his Father and older brother after them, they could sleep when they were humans and away from it all. 

 

Cas sat on the edge of the bed, deja vu hitting him. He fought the urge to peek into the dream, letting the man rouse by himself before he turned. He felt a smile tug at his lips at the green eyes hazed with sleep. “And what were you dreaming about?”

 

The last time he had heard those words, it hadn’t been pleasant. But the tone the Angel had now warmed Dean’s heart. This time, he wanted Cas to know. “You, my sweet Angel.” The words felt weird in his mouth as he winced, unsure if they had been appropriate. 

 

He knew how difficult it was for the man to express his feelings for anyone. When he heard the affection, he melted onto the bed, pressing kisses all over Dean’s tired face. The soul inside of him sang when their lips finally met. Moments like the one Cas wanted to lose himself in were what he wanted to protect and it brought him back to the urgent matter at hand. “Dean. We have to go. Gabriel and my Father are after us.”

 

The transition from hungry kisses to life threatening panic was too fast for Dean to process properly. “What?”  

 

“My Father has been watching us. I’ve already gone to Sam and reinforced the sigils to hide him from Gabriel. We have to leave, we need to go into hiding.”

 

Somehow, for unknown reasons, none of that information was helpful. “What?”

 

“I’m probably going to need the same sigils as soon as we fall. I think it’s possible for me to etch them in beforehand.” The gaze of those blue eyes swimming with concern turned to Dean. “For once, I’ll have something to share with you.”

 

“You need an anti possession symbol too.” Dean wouldn’t admit out loud that he had been thinking about it quite a bit. He would take it to his grave that he thought it would be the sexiest thing to see on Cas. Next to his clothes, of course.

 

The Angel seemed to contemplate the idea before shrugging. “All things I would be willing to endure for you.” His expression turned cold again as his eyes glanced towards something that wasn’t there. “We have to go. Now.” 

 

Between a blink and a breath, they were suddenly sitting in lush grass, the park around them empty save for the man flying a kite in a far off corner., The sun was blinding, forcing Dean to wince as he waiting for his eyes to adjust. He tried to ask where they were but Cas beat him to the punch. 

 

“I don’t have my own Heaven because I’m an Angel. I do often enjoy the peace and solitude of this man’s Heaven. And it seems to keep us hidden from prying eyes for the time being.”

 

They separated after a long moment of soft smiles and gentle kisses. Cas stood, brushing himself off before he wandered away. Dean wasn’t ‘used to’ the whole Heaven thing. He remembered his own, that 4th of July with Sammy. He wondered, very briefly, if that would change now. There was no hesitation when he told himself that it definitely would include Cas now. 

 

Once they were on their feet, they were moving through the hedges around the area, searching for a hiding spot inside their safe haven. It wasn’t much, they were still exposed if anyone came looking. It was perfect for what Cas needed to do. 

 

The pain wasn’t exactly as sharp as he remembered it. Maybe it was because the sigils were already there and all Cas really had to do was add and adjust. Maybe it was the anticipation this time. He even ventured as far as thinking it could be the absolute trust he had that his Angel would never hurt him. He would never have guessed it to be anything less. And definitely not anything more than human.

 

Cas gave a sigh as he pulled his hands from Dean’s chest, forcing down the urge to tug that shirt off and draw those symbols with his tongue over warm skin. He pushed his palms to his own chest, light shining around his fingers, face a mask of indifference. It wasn’t exactly a big secret how badly he wanted to be marked by Dean but the sigils would have to suffice for now. Once they were safe, they could discuss many other ways of going about claiming each other. 

 

Curiosity ended up getting the best of Dean. “What did Gabriel say to you?”

 

“He was claiming that our Father had sent him to find us. I can only assume that meant we were doing something wrong. At least, wrong in His eyes or maybe wrong to Heaven. I don’t really know.” 

 

“This type of thing has never happened before, has it? What we have between us.”

 

Castiel’s gaze went to the sky, staring off. What they had was so rare that he was sure his Father would do anything to stop it. It made little sense to send Gabriel to them, he was but another Angel and they were completely capable of handling that. Why, then, would God not stop them himself? 

 

“We aren’t exactly meant to love, Dean. Yes, we are supposed to love humans, our Father told us so. That doesn’t necessarily mean that we were made to fall in love. Not with humans. Perhaps not even ourselves.” 

 

Those words hung in the air as both men contemplated their weight. Castiel had never thought he could do anything less than love Dean more than he loved Heaven, Earth, and God himself. To think he was never meant to have these feelings, never desire the sight of the Hunter’s bright smile and see those eyes light up with happiness, those thoughts have him feeling cold deep in his bones. He shivered at the way his blood chilled. No matter what, he would never give up the ability to love Dean so deeply. He couldn’t live without it now that he had it. 

 

There was silence between them for a long time. It was shattered when Dean finally spoke, startling Castiel. 

 

“You were there, you know. When I was sent to 2014.”

 

Cas remembered Dean telling him about Zachariah sending him into a Croatoan riddled future, hadn’t chosen to ask for details when he saw the haunted look in the Hunter’s eyes. This time, he could feel the words on his lips before he knew he was saying them.

 

“Was I still an Angel there?” 

 

The tears in Dean’s eyes were hot, stinging, forcing him to blink so they could slide down his cheeks. He had no intention of ever telling Cas about what he had seen there, about how broken they had become. It broke his heart to think that without each other, that was what they had turned into. He had been so willing to send his Angel to his death. A broken sob was choked as he reached out, desperately grabbing at his love now. 

 

“I love you. Okay? I love you and I will never leave you.”

 

He had no idea what was causing Dean to fall apart this way but it didn’t matter as he held his close, whispering soothing words into his hair. 

 

“I know, Dean. I love you. Always.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything is definitely starting to come to a head and we're closing in on just what in the hell has been going on all this time. Which is super exciting! Thank you to everyone for reading, to my amazing beta Meg [the love of my life cause she puts up with me <3], you guys keep me going and without you, I would not be enjoying myself even half as much as I am here with you.


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